Thread: Short Story
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Old 12-22-2003, 10:09 PM   #2 (permalink)
taliendo
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Location: an indelible crawl through the gutters
I was moved by the piece, but I think that you try to convey almost too much information in such a space. It kind of screws up the pace of the two men's conversation. If the guys story were a little longer - or - broken with some kind of description of reaction I think that I would have flowed a bit better. I did like 'Squirrel's' final reaction though, witty and a good close for a short. Good Job! (sorry if you weren't looking for criticism)
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