looper

Ok, here's my problem. I'm a senior in high school (I'm 18), and I met this one girl six years ago. She's two years older than I am and is in college about an hour away from me. I used to obsess over her; I wrote her name in my notebooks repeatedly, told her I loved her, and even gave her expensive jewellery. I've danced with her numerous times, hugged her, talked to her several times, etc. I chose my high school based on where she went, yet when I got there I was too nervous to talk to her because I always thought of her as being above me. She would say hi to me in the hallways and ask how I am from time to time, but I always assumed she flirted with me because she knew I liked her. I never really thought she liked me, which is partly why I decided to forget about her sophomore year. I did everything I could to not think about her because it was pointless, what with her going to college. Two years later, I have successfully put her out of my mind, well up until about a month ago.

All of a sudden I began dreaming about her every night. It really bothered me since I had thought about her for so long and didn't know why I would keep being reminded now. Long story short, I then realized that she was the reason I ran so fast in cross country and track. She indirectly motivated me to be as fast as I can, but since she's been gone I haven't run as well. Anyways, I decided to call her and tell her about this in hopes of getting it off my mind. She didn't know what to say, but she did tell me that I could call her if anything else came up.

The point of the phone call was to get her off my mind, but it didn't work like that. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her, and for the past three weeks I've been trying to get ahold of her. I finally did two days ago; I thanked her for listening to me and asked if I could call her just to talk. She told me she didn't feel comfortable because she doesn't really know me and doesn't know what there is to talk about. I said that I understand completely, because I don't know what there is to talk about either. There are things I can ask her, but they are more interrogative than conversational. I told her I'm not trying to ask her out, I just always wanted to be her friend and like talking to her. She said she is busy all of this week but she'll call me back next week when she has time. Honestly, I don't think she'll call back; not because she doesn't want to, but because she'll be so busy that she'll forget. Even if she does call, I don't know what there is to say. I still love her, and I would hate to lose contact with her, but I don't want to bother her either and put her in a position where she is just being nice to me.

I guess what I'm asking is, well, what could I talk to her about? Should I just stop bothering her? I'd give anything just to be her friend, but alas I know I have little chance at that. It amazes me that after six years, I have never met anyone more beautiful and kind as she is. It's plagued me, however, since I compare everyone I meet to her and notice how imperfect they are to her relatively. It really bothers me that I didn't talk to her my sophomore year because things would be much different now.

Any comments or advice would be appreciated.