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dinner shouldn't be a big deal...
If you communicate well and she's up-front and laid clear boundaries with you and everyone else, then don't worry. The thing is, you can't know what she is doing and not doing if you back her into a corner. It sounds like she's being really up-front and nothing is ringing any bells of danger to me.
If you're jealous that other people get to see her more than you, then there isn't a lot you can do other than let go. It isn't fair to take that out on her, she's just living her life and getting by. And how to let go? Well, what do you do with your life? Maybe you need to get out more, talk to people, etc. Remind yourself that you're still you're own person, and so when you talk again you both have things to talk about along the same lines rather than her doing a lot of fun things with people and you hating it.
That's the best I've got, I hope it is of some help... it sounds like it just comes down to you loosening the grip.
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Innominate.
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