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passthru · 12-15-2003, 01:00 AM

Here are a couple of my recent experiences.
Last week I was at a Starbucks, more for confidence building than anything else. I had never done anything like this before, so it was kinda a big step. Also, it was 1:45 in the morning, so there wasn't much of a selection.. I just sat alone and tried to look confident. Probably not the best approach =) but anyway: a girl got up to go to the bathroom, but instead of going straight towards it she took a longer route around some tables, and faced me. We made eye contact, but I sat there and let her continue to the bathroom. When she came out, we made eye contact again as she went back to her seat. I couldn't get up any courage to go and say hi, but I heard her and her friends saying that I should be coming over to talk to them.
Lessons: 1) don't be afraid of her friends, they'll be cool if you come over to talk to her. She's going to be the one you're talking to the most, so their presence shouldn't affect you much at all. 2) Eye contact rules. It seems like one of the biggest factors to starting a convo. I made eye contact for a total of maybe 3 seconds, and they started wishing I would come over. 3) I don't think you necissarily have to go around talking to lots of girls&guys to give the impression that you're an alpha male. This is definately a better approach at a party than chillin' by yourself, but remember that you can give off a sense of confidence just by the way you drink your coffee as you look around the room. Feel confident and it will show.
Today, I was at the mall shoe shopping. I saw a very good looking girl, 8.5-9, also looking at shoes. This would be my 2nd attempt (well, first real one) so it took me a while to go talk to her. I don't think she saw me before I went up to her though, so I got lucky in regard to the 3 second rule. I smiled and said "Hi, how are you doing?" and immediately got a big smile back. I didn't have a good second question even though I'd been walking around a couple minutes trying to decide on one, and asked if she thought shopping alone was boring. I had decided before coming up to her that that was a crappy question (and it was), but it worked fine anyway and we started talking. She was having the same problem as I was, couldn't find shoes she liked. She was trying on a pair and asked how I thought they looked, and I thought they looked okay, so said they looked "good". She said "You're just saying that.." Woops, that's where that rule about not complimenting a girl that high on your scale comes from. I laughed and didn't say anything for a few seconds. Bad bad bad. I then tried to agree with her a bit, saying something about them not having sides. Also not a great idea. We talked a bit more and there was another silence. I asked if she wanted to get something to drink, and she said she had to go have dinner with her family soon.. Pretty soon after that, she said she had to get going, nice meeting you, etc. As I walked off, I realized I never asked her name! I came back but of course she was gone.
So that started out real well, despite my stupid question. I think it all started going south when I said I liked the shoes. So there are a few examples what Plan9's been saying. I complimented her, then tried to change my opinion to coincide with hers. I should have looked more carefully at the shoes, and come up with something I didn't like. From there, I could have asked a few more questions like where she went to school (or her name, I got too into our conversation I guess.. but what a stupid mistake) then broken off our conversation, since it was going well and she was interested in talking with me. I definately shouldn't have asked if she wanted to get a drink.
Please comment on my conclusions =)

End result: I started a pretty good conversation with a hot girl just by smiling, looking at her eyes, and saying hi. It was easy once I had said hi, and the experience sure has helped my confidence.
P.S. If you are having issues approaching a girl, remember this: you aren't trying to get laid, you're trying to talk to her. That is what will build confidence so that is what you want to be doing right now. All you have to do to talk to her is say hello!

12-15-2003, 01:00 AM	#186 (permalink)
passthru Addict Location: Portland, OR	Here are a couple of my recent experiences. Last week I was at a Starbucks, more for confidence building than anything else. I had never done anything like this before, so it was kinda a big step. Also, it was 1:45 in the morning, so there wasn't much of a selection.. I just sat alone and tried to look confident. Probably not the best approach =) but anyway: a girl got up to go to the bathroom, but instead of going straight towards it she took a longer route around some tables, and faced me. We made eye contact, but I sat there and let her continue to the bathroom. When she came out, we made eye contact again as she went back to her seat. I couldn't get up any courage to go and say hi, but I heard her and her friends saying that I should be coming over to talk to them. Lessons: 1) don't be afraid of her friends, they'll be cool if you come over to talk to her. She's going to be the one you're talking to the most, so their presence shouldn't affect you much at all. 2) Eye contact rules. It seems like one of the biggest factors to starting a convo. I made eye contact for a total of maybe 3 seconds, and they started wishing I would come over. 3) I don't think you necissarily have to go around talking to lots of girls&guys to give the impression that you're an alpha male. This is definately a better approach at a party than chillin' by yourself, but remember that you can give off a sense of confidence just by the way you drink your coffee as you look around the room. Feel confident and it will show. Today, I was at the mall shoe shopping. I saw a very good looking girl, 8.5-9, also looking at shoes. This would be my 2nd attempt (well, first real one) so it took me a while to go talk to her. I don't think she saw me before I went up to her though, so I got lucky in regard to the 3 second rule. I smiled and said "Hi, how are you doing?" and immediately got a big smile back. I didn't have a good second question even though I'd been walking around a couple minutes trying to decide on one, and asked if she thought shopping alone was boring. I had decided before coming up to her that that was a crappy question (and it was), but it worked fine anyway and we started talking. She was having the same problem as I was, couldn't find shoes she liked. She was trying on a pair and asked how I thought they looked, and I thought they looked okay, so said they looked "good". She said "You're just saying that.." Woops, that's where that rule about not complimenting a girl that high on your scale comes from. I laughed and didn't say anything for a few seconds. Bad bad bad. I then tried to agree with her a bit, saying something about them not having sides. Also not a great idea. We talked a bit more and there was another silence. I asked if she wanted to get something to drink, and she said she had to go have dinner with her family soon.. Pretty soon after that, she said she had to get going, nice meeting you, etc. As I walked off, I realized I never asked her name! I came back but of course she was gone. So that started out real well, despite my stupid question. I think it all started going south when I said I liked the shoes. So there are a few examples what Plan9's been saying. I complimented her, then tried to change my opinion to coincide with hers. I should have looked more carefully at the shoes, and come up with something I didn't like. From there, I could have asked a few more questions like where she went to school (or her name, I got too into our conversation I guess.. but what a stupid mistake) then broken off our conversation, since it was going well and she was interested in talking with me. I definately shouldn't have asked if she wanted to get a drink. Please comment on my conclusions =) End result: I started a pretty good conversation with a hot girl just by smiling, looking at her eyes, and saying hi. It was easy once I had said hi, and the experience sure has helped my confidence. P.S. If you are having issues approaching a girl, remember this: you aren't trying to get laid, you're trying to talk to her. That is what will build confidence so that is what you want to be doing right now. All you have to do to talk to her is say hello!