phredgreen

it feels like it never will be.

for those of you who know more about me than goofy faces and a love for full figured women, you know that i've been dealing with a rather messy divorce to a very nasty ex wife. of course, just to make matters worse, there's a kid involved, so it's one of those things that don't just fade away after the judge's signature has been inked and the papers filed.

so after months of waiting and being in the dark, it's over.

i received a "courtesy copy" (if you call an inability to center the page on the fucking copying machine courteous, but i digress...) of the final paperwork in the mail a couple of days ago, the gist being that the divorce is final as of the 2nd of december, i owe child support in a very reasonable amount, however it is retroactive to february of this year, and that visitation is somewhat shabby, but that's something that can be modified as my general life situaion improves. all in all, i'm very happy with the outcome.


so why is it that everyone's treating me like i just got hosed?


throughout this whole divorce nonsense i've played alot of things by ear, going by the information provided by the oregon state bar and a number of self-help websites, and i feel like the final result is just what i wanted it to be. yes, i didn't hire a solicitor, yes, i wasn't in contact with the courts every day, yes, i let it happen around me, but that was what my resources allowed, and i'm fine with the end result.

the situation is and will continue to be slightly ugly due to the fact that my ex is a bitter, vindictive control freak who will do everything in her power to continue to excercise control over me. the latest episode being the very questionable arrival of her and possibly the baby back out here in arizona, the reason for the trip is surely a celebration visit to one of her little internet booty calls, but as a secondary aspect, to hold the fact that my baby is so close to me and that i'm missing out on seeing the child because i won't allow ex to control me. this whole situation brings a small amount of ire, but it is multiplied by the fact that my mother and girlfriend have escalated the whole thing completely out of perspective, and have made the whole thing out to be this big, nasty showdown that's going to end up in nothing less than tag-team wrestling in a steel cage unless very carefully avoided.

I don't want to walk on eggshells anymore when it comes to my ex. i want the bitch to know that i will see my child, on my terms and the terms set by the court, not on hers. i want her to know that regardless of how many times she drags the baby out here on one of her booty-call trips, i'm not going to let her dictate my actions and control access to the baby. furthermore, and most importantly, i love my family and my girlfriend to death, but i want them to realize that i am happy with the outcome of this divorce, and that to continue to dread ex's trips out this way and treat them like some minor national emergency is simply giving more power to the ex. I feel the same way that gwb felt after the whole terrorist attacks. if you let them (or in this case, her) change the way you live your life, the terrorists (or in this case, the bitch) have already won.


that bitch hasn't won anything but a broken marriage and a head full of lies that she will continue to tell herself to justify her own actions.

i, however, have won freedom.

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My country is the world, and my religion is to do good.
- Thomas Paine