I have never masturbated. Ever. In my entire life. I enjoy sex. A LOT. Ask my boyfriend. The fact that your wife has never masturbated doesn't necessarily have anything to do with her not enjoying sex.
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I know exactly how she feels. It isn't a selfish issue, as some might think, but it's the result of a good deal of emotional baggage that probably stems from previous relationships.
I myself had the exact same conversation with my husband toward the beginning of our relationship. I had found his stash o'porn and flipped out. It wasn't because he had porn. It wasn't because he was masturbating - though those were the excuses that I had made at the time for my anger. My anger stemmed from a previous serious relationship that I had had.
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I haven't had this exact experience. I just know that when I was married, my husband had like, zero interest in sex with me (don't even get me started about the honeymoon...). Conclusions that a few of us have come to now aren't important right now, but I think you might catch the drift....
Now, when I hear my bf talk about masturbation, or on the MANY occasions that he's told me "All guys do it" (no, I've never 'caught' him, and I probably wouldn't flip out if I DID catch him - that'd be uncalled for, I think), it sometimes makes me feel really inadequate also. And when I think about it, I realize that it's because in that previous relationship, I felt undesirable. My feelings stem from that. It just took a while at first for me to realize that it wasn't something wrong with me, just like it's not something that's wrong with you.
Talk to your wife. That's all you can really do. Try counseling. If she's willing to work on this relationship (personally, her compromise sounds like a cop-out to me), then she'll probably be willing to go to a counselor with you to figure out what's going on. There may be a history of sexual abuse at some time in her life. Who knows?
In any case, good luck, and I wish you both the best!
