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wry1 · 11-21-2003, 12:54 AM

Rubyee has a point: once past the "lust" stage, things do change...and it's not to the degree that your girlfriend is claiming.

So this means one of a few things....

1) She is incapable of being happy on her own, but also (by default) of being on her own; she wants the attention she believes will return things to where the "spark" was, so she is badgering you in a way she thinks will work.

2) She's a flake. The air pressure between her ears has dropped to dangerously low levels, and now you're seeing the results.

3) She wants out of the relationship, but doesn't want to be seen as the "bad guy"...so she's trying to get you to be the one who calls it quits.

4) She does know a guy named Bob, has been unfaithful, and the guilt and conflicting feelings/emotions are tearing at her. So she takes it out on you.

No matter what the situation, there are serious maturity issues which she needs to address. As with the vast majority of the replies to your initial question, I agree that you really need to let this ugly mess go.

What the others didn't say (but I will) is that when you break it off, you need to spell out why you're ending it: that you cannot be in a relationship which is so one-sided, that you cannot be expected to "make her happy" as ultimately it is something only she can do for herself, and that her behavior has been wholly unacceptable.

I understand why you'd cave quite quickly in your last posted conversation with her: nobody wants to be emotionally alone, even for a little while. But if you take a good look at the current state of your relationship, you'll see that you're already there in everything but physical location with this girl. Remember that relationships are about giving, but that the giving is by both partners toward a greater whole; sometimes one gives more than the other, sometimes things change and the opposite is true. Either way, both are still giving of themselves.

She is not. She's just taking. From you, from her friends...and this is the true core of her discontent. Those who take (like she is) realize, somewhere deep inside, that their behavior is unacceptable, and this is what contributes to their change in attitude toward those they are taking from. If you can somehow dehumanize a person, or lessen the impact of the situation, then there isn't as much guilt from the continued draining from your victims.

It's much easier to do that than it is to change one's ways.

So kick her to the curb. Go out with your friends once the semester is over, and find someone that you can build a future with.

11-21-2003, 12:54 AM	#40 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Rubyee has a point: once past the "lust" stage, things do change...and it's not to the degree that your girlfriend is claiming. So this means one of a few things.... 1) She is incapable of being happy on her own, but also (by default) of being on her own; she wants the attention she believes will return things to where the "spark" was, so she is badgering you in a way she thinks will work. 2) She's a flake. The air pressure between her ears has dropped to dangerously low levels, and now you're seeing the results. 3) She wants out of the relationship, but doesn't want to be seen as the "bad guy"...so she's trying to get you to be the one who calls it quits. 4) She does know a guy named Bob, has been unfaithful, and the guilt and conflicting feelings/emotions are tearing at her. So she takes it out on you. No matter what the situation, there are serious maturity issues which she needs to address. As with the vast majority of the replies to your initial question, I agree that you really need to let this ugly mess go. What the others didn't say (but I will) is that when you break it off, you need to spell out why you're ending it: that you cannot be in a relationship which is so one-sided, that you cannot be expected to "make her happy" as ultimately it is something only she can do for herself, and that her behavior has been wholly unacceptable. I understand why you'd cave quite quickly in your last posted conversation with her: nobody wants to be emotionally alone, even for a little while. But if you take a good look at the current state of your relationship, you'll see that you're already there in everything but physical location with this girl. Remember that relationships are about giving, but that the giving is by both partners toward a greater whole; sometimes one gives more than the other, sometimes things change and the opposite is true. Either way, both are still giving of themselves. She is not. She's just taking. From you, from her friends...and this is the true core of her discontent. Those who take (like she is) realize, somewhere deep inside, that their behavior is unacceptable, and this is what contributes to their change in attitude toward those they are taking from. If you can somehow dehumanize a person, or lessen the impact of the situation, then there isn't as much guilt from the continued draining from your victims. It's much easier to do that than it is to change one's ways. So kick her to the curb. Go out with your friends once the semester is over, and find someone that you can build a future with. Last edited by wry1; 11-21-2003 at 12:58 AM..