looking at this from another angle....
Like some of you I too, was the "friend" everybody came to when they were down and depressed, I still am, everyone considers me one of the emotionally strongest most optomistic people they know....
back up 15 years to when I was 20....
I wont say ever "consciously" considered suicide..but in this previous post
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If life ever gets so bad that you really want to commit suicide, why don't you just lose all your inhibitions and do all the crazy things you can think of that youre not supposed to do, like walk around in public naked. I mean, if you're really that serious about killing yourself then nothing should really hold you back right? Besides it might give you a real flavor for life.
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I see a lot of myself...I had gotten to a point where I was SO obsessed with ridding the world of suicide that I couldnt handle it anymore, an extremely close friend of mine killed himself, with no warning..none of the "signs" nothing, he just upped and shot himself..it hit me out of the blue that if my best friend could do this, to not have even tried to talked to me about it, what the hell did I think I could do for anyone else....I went on a self destruction campaign, I said f*ck it and commenced on doing every drug I could get my hands on, in amounts that truly should have killed me more than once...cocaine being the main one, this went on for 2 1/2 years.
Now, I was raised in church, had tremendous faith in god, that disappeared for me...I did many many stupid things, I held no value for life, if I was dared...I did it...then, the last 3 months of my drug abuse, actually the heaviest use, somehow the haze started to clear and I started to realize that "somebody" was watching out for me because by all rights I should have been dead and in my drug induced state I started having "feelings" again.
No one helped me thru that time...the realization hit me so hard one day that though I didnt know why, I had everything to live for, and I put the drugs down and completed my "new awakening"
I will by no means claim to be a "good" girl now, but something in that experience told me that by god Im here for a reason and until God decided I had fulfilled that reason, no matter what I did, I wasnt gonna die so I may as well stop trying to do things that would end my life.
A lot of people ask me if I regret those "lost" years and I most unequivically have to say no I dont, they made me into the person I am today.
To those of you that have tried suicide and it didnt work, dont ever look at it as a "failed" attempt...look at it as suceeding in living...there was a reason it didnt work, it might take you 50 years to understand the reason...but that gives you something to look forward to.
15 years removed from my experience I still have no clue why I am still here but each day I wake up and still feel excited that this might be the day I find out.
(sorry for the ramble...I tried to tell it as coherently and compact as I could)