Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

TheBrit · 11-18-2003, 06:51 AM

Well, on a 3 night camp, a hell of a lot can happen, so I have chosen to tell you a few of the highlights.

Briefing:
Basically, I am part of the senior ranks in the UK Cadet organisation, it is funded by our Ministry of Defence, and although they do not advertise it openly it is basically for recruiting. Well, they let me shout at kids and teach me to fly for free so it is all good. And I look damn good in camouflage

. The aim of this camp was to train up the new guys, and give the older guys new skills, I taught rifle handling, learnt leadership/ordering/method of instruction and shaved 15% off my assualt course time.

Hightlight 1: The first night.
I was placed in charge of a hut, with 10 cadets, aged 13-14. The first night they planned on escaping and causing random mayhem throughout the night. The first I knew about it was when I heard a pair of boots smack in to the wet ground at 1 in the morning. I swore quietly, didn't want them to know I was coming, put on my DPMs (camouflage), which were still sodding wet from the assualt course in the rain earlier, and lowered myself out of my window. I used my l33t skills, and crawled towards them, when a stupid officer shined a torch to see what was happening, the cadets bolted. I swore a bit louder, and ran for them. They didn't seem to account for the fact that they were a) running up-hill, b) running TOWARDS the guardhouse, c) I am ever so slightly fitter than them. So in the end I chased them in the direction of the guardhouse, picked them up, and chucked them in there.
Moral of the story is, have stealth. At least I got off quite lightly, only had 4 cadets run for it. A friend in another hut had been shouting at his cadets to shut up and was confiscating torches, etc. He went in to the small room at the end of his hut, and turned the lights out. After about 15 minutes he realised that it was getting a teeny bit too quiet. Turned on the lights and the entire hut was empty. Found a few of them on the way back to my own hut as well.
I didn't get much sleep that night.

Hightlight 2: Defying Physics
Well, I got back to my hut, in a bit of a hurry to get in, let the cadets in, get our KFSMs (Knife Fork Spoon Mug) and get up to the canteen before 100 others did. One problem, the cadet I had put in charge didn't have the key. I run up to the guardhouse (300yrds), they don't have it. I run to the staff (300yrds) they don't have it. I run down to the hut (300yrds) and sit tight, swearing a fair bit. In the end one of the staff calls my name, and explains that he had the key all along, but forgot. I run down to the hut, turn the key, nothing. I give it to a cadet, he cannot open it. I check it is the right key, it had the right tag on it, and it did not open any of the huts that the officer might have been in. So I run round the hut looking for an open window.
By this time it was getting quite late, so I run back up to the canteen (300yrds) and ask the caterers if they have any KFSMs, they do! I run back down, get the cadets formed up, and march them up, hand out KFSMs, let them eat and I run off to get the quartermaster. He cannot open the door, and tells me he wants to break it down (bloody maniac). He runs off to the even higher guys in charge to get permission to put TNT or whatever around our hut (which I signed over) while I go round the back. All the windows were 100% tightened, locked and bolted. I borrowed a cadet from a working hut, stood on his shoulders, and tried to break in armed with a knife, coat hanger and a screwdriver. In the end I managed to break in.
I ran over to the door, open it to see the QM lineing up for a hefty kick.
Now the freaky part.
The key was not working because the door was bolted. To bolt the door in the locked position, you must close the door, then bolt it, you cannot do it with the key externally. All the windows were well secured, and could not have been shut from the outside. After sweating and running for about an hour, I made sure that nobody was inside playing a trick! How the hell did it happen? Answers on a postcard please.

Highlight 3: The dog did it!
Well, after the mayhem of cadets running around at night we imposed a firm no going out rule. Any cadets leaving at night would be thrown out instantly. One bright young thing asked about the toilet. I said "You have 10 minutes, after that go out the window or something." I meant a piss or something. Next morning I am doing my early morning walk, making sure nothing is out of place. I walk round the back of a hut, shine my torch around, and see a shit. At first I thought it must have been a dog. Take a closer look, and it looks like a human shit. Trying to prove myself wrong, I look around for evidence, (paw marks in the muddy ground) there is none. Well, I lie. There was 1 bit of evidence. Scraped shit down the wall, and the window above it was not locked properly, as I had left it last night. That hut got a bit shouted at!

I will probably remember more as they come to me, and friends will probably give me a few to put up here.

Oh, remember one other incident you can all learn from. A kid in a hut far away from mine was having a bit of a problem, feeling ill. I was the most experienced first aider to hand, so I was radioed over. The kid was a known diabetic, had had his insulin, but not his lunch, a hypo (too much insulin, too little sugar) I gave him some powerade (a non fizzy, sugary drink), and sat him down for a bit. He started to feel better when an officer burst in. I told the officer what had happened, including my treatment. The officers always feel that they must do something, so he gave him a can of coke. True, the kid still did not have enough sugar in him, but a mug of tea was on its way (hot drinks are better) I urged the officer not to do it, but he did anyway. I turn around for 5 seconds, and hear the kid saying that he didn't feel that well. Hmm, unwell, empty stomach, feeling ill, headache, a fizzy drink just plopped in him... About a second after I shout "get a bucket" the kid vomits all over the officers shiny uniform. HAHA! Officer blamed me, as the present first aider, bastard.

More stories on the way.

11-18-2003, 06:51 AM	#1 (permalink)
TheBrit Psycho	General Mayhem on Camp Well, on a 3 night camp, a hell of a lot can happen, so I have chosen to tell you a few of the highlights. Briefing: Basically, I am part of the senior ranks in the UK Cadet organisation, it is funded by our Ministry of Defence, and although they do not advertise it openly it is basically for recruiting. Well, they let me shout at kids and teach me to fly for free so it is all good. And I look damn good in camouflage . The aim of this camp was to train up the new guys, and give the older guys new skills, I taught rifle handling, learnt leadership/ordering/method of instruction and shaved 15% off my assualt course time. Hightlight 1: The first night. I was placed in charge of a hut, with 10 cadets, aged 13-14. The first night they planned on escaping and causing random mayhem throughout the night. The first I knew about it was when I heard a pair of boots smack in to the wet ground at 1 in the morning. I swore quietly, didn't want them to know I was coming, put on my DPMs (camouflage), which were still sodding wet from the assualt course in the rain earlier, and lowered myself out of my window. I used my l33t skills, and crawled towards them, when a stupid officer shined a torch to see what was happening, the cadets bolted. I swore a bit louder, and ran for them. They didn't seem to account for the fact that they were a) running up-hill, b) running TOWARDS the guardhouse, c) I am ever so slightly fitter than them. So in the end I chased them in the direction of the guardhouse, picked them up, and chucked them in there. Moral of the story is, have stealth. At least I got off quite lightly, only had 4 cadets run for it. A friend in another hut had been shouting at his cadets to shut up and was confiscating torches, etc. He went in to the small room at the end of his hut, and turned the lights out. After about 15 minutes he realised that it was getting a teeny bit too quiet. Turned on the lights and the entire hut was empty. Found a few of them on the way back to my own hut as well. I didn't get much sleep that night. Hightlight 2: Defying Physics Well, I got back to my hut, in a bit of a hurry to get in, let the cadets in, get our KFSMs (Knife Fork Spoon Mug) and get up to the canteen before 100 others did. One problem, the cadet I had put in charge didn't have the key. I run up to the guardhouse (300yrds), they don't have it. I run to the staff (300yrds) they don't have it. I run down to the hut (300yrds) and sit tight, swearing a fair bit. In the end one of the staff calls my name, and explains that he had the key all along, but forgot. I run down to the hut, turn the key, nothing. I give it to a cadet, he cannot open it. I check it is the right key, it had the right tag on it, and it did not open any of the huts that the officer might have been in. So I run round the hut looking for an open window. By this time it was getting quite late, so I run back up to the canteen (300yrds) and ask the caterers if they have any KFSMs, they do! I run back down, get the cadets formed up, and march them up, hand out KFSMs, let them eat and I run off to get the quartermaster. He cannot open the door, and tells me he wants to break it down (bloody maniac). He runs off to the even higher guys in charge to get permission to put TNT or whatever around our hut (which I signed over) while I go round the back. All the windows were 100% tightened, locked and bolted. I borrowed a cadet from a working hut, stood on his shoulders, and tried to break in armed with a knife, coat hanger and a screwdriver. In the end I managed to break in. I ran over to the door, open it to see the QM lineing up for a hefty kick. Now the freaky part. The key was not working because the door was bolted. To bolt the door in the locked position, you must close the door, then bolt it, you cannot do it with the key externally. All the windows were well secured, and could not have been shut from the outside. After sweating and running for about an hour, I made sure that nobody was inside playing a trick! How the hell did it happen? Answers on a postcard please. Highlight 3: The dog did it! Well, after the mayhem of cadets running around at night we imposed a firm no going out rule. Any cadets leaving at night would be thrown out instantly. One bright young thing asked about the toilet. I said "You have 10 minutes, after that go out the window or something." I meant a piss or something. Next morning I am doing my early morning walk, making sure nothing is out of place. I walk round the back of a hut, shine my torch around, and see a shit. At first I thought it must have been a dog. Take a closer look, and it looks like a human shit. Trying to prove myself wrong, I look around for evidence, (paw marks in the muddy ground) there is none. Well, I lie. There was 1 bit of evidence. Scraped shit down the wall, and the window above it was not locked properly, as I had left it last night. That hut got a bit shouted at! I will probably remember more as they come to me, and friends will probably give me a few to put up here. Oh, remember one other incident you can all learn from. A kid in a hut far away from mine was having a bit of a problem, feeling ill. I was the most experienced first aider to hand, so I was radioed over. The kid was a known diabetic, had had his insulin, but not his lunch, a hypo (too much insulin, too little sugar) I gave him some powerade (a non fizzy, sugary drink), and sat him down for a bit. He started to feel better when an officer burst in. I told the officer what had happened, including my treatment. The officers always feel that they must do something, so he gave him a can of coke. True, the kid still did not have enough sugar in him, but a mug of tea was on its way (hot drinks are better) I urged the officer not to do it, but he did anyway. I turn around for 5 seconds, and hear the kid saying that he didn't feel that well. Hmm, unwell, empty stomach, feeling ill, headache, a fizzy drink just plopped in him... About a second after I shout "get a bucket" the kid vomits all over the officers shiny uniform. HAHA! Officer blamed me, as the present first aider, bastard. More stories on the way.