wilbjammin

I've been thinking about this a lot since my girlfriend broke up with me claiming that she cannot handle any sort of commitment at all...

Questioning why I like her and love her so much, I came upon focusing on the connections between me and her. What strikes me is that all of these connections are self-contained. While, in fact, she has done things that help me create these connections, they are all my own. In this sense, love is then internal and much more of a choice than I previously gave it credit for.

Meaning is formed by us placing our metaphysical energy into something encountered in the physical world. This is because our thoughts are based in language and imagery, so we rely entirely on metaphors. Metaphors, when broken down, need some concrete image or action to work with... something tangible.

As I poet I knew this when I wrote poems about her comparing the freckles on her body to the constellations in the sky. But... I simultaneously knew that she was still just a woman.

I have this strong need for creativity, and I wonder if that is what makes these connections I make so important - particularly with the desire of having a <i>meaningful</i> relationship with a woman.

So, now I've been sort of stuck in this contemplation of the limits of my own ability to create connections within myself, and how much I need outside influence to create meaning in my life. I know that I have a a strong desire to be with someone, but is it for the right reasons? Will the connections I make with the next woman (granting that I don't stay single forever) create a positive link in my life, or will I turn to using her for her creative inspiration too much and unduely? And is that ok if I do? I imagine that I can exist within my solitude and be creative in my solitude, but it doesn't have that affective quality and burning passion like I had when in a relationship. Perhaps it is that tension between wanting unity between myself and the Other and the realization that the unity will never be absolute that creates the mountain of creative energy for me. Now I am looking to find as much unity within myself as I can and finding plenty of tension there to feed my poetry. I am afraid that I have become greedy with what I want in relationships, that my drive towards creativity abstracts the person too much. I know that I'm not going to be ready any time soon to enter a relationship, but I wonder what you all think -

Where should the limit be on abstraction? How should I approach relationships to optimize my creativity and yet maintain humanity? And what can I do to foster these creative impulses into a lasting relationship that doesn't burn out too quickly, and that doesn't alienate the woman?

Alright, there's the end to my first new thread... maybe you'll have some insight into helping me out.