There was a declared war at the time and we were not the initiators of the conflict. I don't believe it's the number of deaths that generates the animosity from 9/11. It's the fact that they made us, as a nation, feel unsafe.
Perhaps the attack on Pearl Harbor would be more equivalent to what happened on 9/11. While PH was an attack on a military target, it instilled a sense of "they can reach us" throughout the country just as 9/11 did.
You also have to remember that both Japan and Germany were working on atomic bombs during WWII. The time it took to negotiate/embargo them or demonstrate the bomb on a less populated area may have given them the necessary time to complete their own bombs.
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