What a mayhem stories!
I learned by reading your horror stories that I am not the only one who suffered from the 'tore/sore triangle' injury.
That little triangular, very sensistive part of my penis was, after a nice night, torn.
That little gap hurt like hell, I walked two weeks without underwear to stop the constant throbbing, because ofcourse friction equals erection equals severe pain!!!
Then there was this little incident with this cute girl. I don't know the correct word but we call it 'Sambal', it's a red pepper mixture, tradionally eaten with Asian dishes. To her and my poor misfortune I cooked, swiped something out my eye, I cried of pain because of the peppers, I ate, somewhere in between I washed my hands and I tried some finger-foreplay completely forgetting the apparant still present .......
Let's just say, she wasn't that happy