Mantus

When I was young I used to be afraid of the dark. I used to be certain that there was something in my room that lurks in the shadows. I believed it with all my soul. I also knew that I could protect myself from this creature. I knew that it was afraid of light, but since the smallest shadow is enough for it to hide and later manifest itself a nightlight would be of no use. I knew that it could only get me while I was asleep. So I protected myself by covering up as much of myself as possible. By tucking the covers underneath myself, I made sure that nothing could get under the covers without disturbing me. For quite a few years I slept with nothing but a small peephole in my cocoon. It was big enough to allow me to breathe and look into the darkness with one eye yet deep enough so that a hand could not reach in without disturbing the covers. This way, if it tried to reach for my eye it would wake me up and I would be safe. How I came upon this knowledge I do not know but I was certain without a doubt that it was my only defense against the monster in the shadows. It had no shape, yet I knew that every nightly noise, every strange smell, every movement in the shadows and uncomfortable feeling could signal its presence. I don’t remember how long this phase of my life lasted but I believe I was besieged every night for some five years. I don’t really remember how I finally figured out that my fears were unfounded.

As I try to remember those long past years what still amazes me is how sure I was of my predatory nightly companion. I now realize that it was just my mind rationalizing my instinctive impulses. Impulses to stay immobile, quiet and hidden that served my ancestors well in the days past when carnivores were prowling close by at night. The mind doesn’t care for instincts though, everything has to have a purpose, everything has to make sense. We would go mad if we became aware that we are performing action without our control, without a reason. Yet that was exactly what was happening to me so my mind created this shadow demon to give reason to my instinctive behavior, for it did not know, nor was it aware of instincts back then.

The other fact I now realize is that the Goblin was my very first God. For it was in every sense another being. It was real and alive. It could have influence over me. Most importantly there was a ritual involved and rules were followed. Everything made perfect sense to me. It is hard to describe now, impossible to describe, but I was absolutely sure that this shadow predator existed. I believed it in my very soul, or whatever I knew of it then. That certainty, that deep yet un-founded knowledge of existence is the only proof that any one can offer of God, therefore I have created my own shadow deity.



Both thoughts stir up quite a storm in my brain. I will follow up with further musings on this subject. In the mean time I would like to know what you people think about what has been said.

Cheers.