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On the Becca issue, she knows a little of what I've done and I know she's cheated on me a little too. It's like a mutual understanding that being this far apart for this long is just too hard on us. On the issue of changing my life, it's just seems so impossible to do directly. I mean, I guess I'm scared. I feel like if I just say, "I'm changing," I would be too big of a disappointment, and I don't know if I could handle that. Y'know, I've lived a lot of my life trying to make my mom happy. She had nothing when she started raising me and she worked really hard to give me these opportunities and even if they're not what I want, I have trouble believing that I could just change my way of life. It seems seductively easier to just let myself slide until my life is changed on its own, y'know? I know that's probably the wrong way to go about it...
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