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Eldaire · 11-03-2003, 03:16 AM

IF ANYONE THAT KNOWS ME STUMBLES ACROSS THIS POST, PLEASE RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND DON'T READ IT!!! CLICK THE BACK BUTTON NOW!!! (EXCEPT BEN, I GUESS I'LL ALLOW YOU TO READ IT.)

*ahem*

Sorry about that guys, but I wanna go into detail about my life and see if anyone has any good tilted advice. (Heh. Tilted advice. I deserve money for this type of advertising.) For the past four years I attended Blair Academy in New Jersey. Blair is a good private school that's fairly hard to get into. It's also the top wrestling school in the country. I learned to wrestle very well there. For a while I was ranked 30th in the nation for my weight. My grades, however, fell dramatically since I started there. They are on a 6.0 scale. I started at like a 4.8 and my junior year I was a 3.5. The end of my senior year I was back up to a 4.0. Mind you, this is very general. The whole time it was like a roller coaster. Really high one term and really low the next. This is more or less the trend on a very large scale though. While at Blair I met a very nice girl named Rebecca who I was then and I think still am very much in love with. While there, I became addicted to sniffing glue my sophomore year, and heavily addicted my junior year. By my senior year I was cold turkey again and still am. I cheated on her a little when we started going out, but as I fell in love with her I stopped. I got accepted into Davidson College in North Carolina which was rated the seventh hardest school to get into. I have a 1400 SAT score and my school's teachers aren't allowed to write reccomendations if they aren't gonna write good ones, so my slacking (which I did a lot of) didn't get through to the college. All in all I look really good on paper. Because of that, I got a scholarship for $15,000 dollars that requires I wrestle and maintain a 3.0 (on a 4.0 scale). I didn't really want to wrestle, but for that much money I thought I could manage. Over the summer my Mom convinced me that becoming a genetic research scientist was an ideal career choice. It sounded good. I like science, and I love lab time. Davidson has an excellent Biology program and one of the top research scientists in Genomics is my Biology teacher. In spite of these awesome opportunities though, since I came here I've been slipping off the productive track more and more. When I first arrived, I was exposed to drinking for the second time ever. I am in a substance free dorm which requires I don't drink in the dorm and don't come back drunk. I've come back really drunk twice. After the second time, I gave up alcohol. My wrestling is good, I'm the best on the team. However, it is a lot of hard work and I really don't want to do it. Same with school really. My work was going okay in the beginning, but has been slowly slipping off since I came here. Lately, I've taken up smoking. I haven't been to any classes but Biology in two weeks, and I haven't been paying attention or doing homework for that one. I've cheated on Becca a few times in the beginning, but I've put a stop to that. I think these self-destructive habits are a subconsious passive-aggressive way to return home, get a job, and go to state college and become a teacher. (Home is Birmingham Alabama by the way.) That's what I really want to do, but I have a few things that conflict with these emotions though. For one, I don't think Becca (who I'm still with) would be very happy with that (she's a rich girl with awesome grades). Another, I don't think my mother would be happy with it after she spent all that money on my education at Blair and at Davidson; though I think she'd support me if I told her that's what I wanted (emotionally not financially). Third, I've made this friend here who looks up to me as kind of a mentor now, and I'd hate to think of him following me down that path. (He may not. I don't know how much he is joking when he calls himself my pupil.) Fourth, I've met this girl here I really like. We were semi-together for a brief couple of days, but she's in love with some other guy or sumthin. That guy cheats on her and stuff though, so I don't know. I think she likes me too. I'd still like to stay near her anyway. Fifth and finally, I'm a little afraid that when I look back, I'll regret leaving. I can't imagine feeling that way now, but I'm also young and naive and I can respect that. That's about the most neutral story of my recent life I can give. Does anyone out there have any suggestions or philosophy to help me out? I would appreciate it greatly. Thanks for reading no matter what.

11-03-2003, 03:16 AM	#1 (permalink)
Eldaire Loser Location: Davidson College, NC	It's My Life IF ANYONE THAT KNOWS ME STUMBLES ACROSS THIS POST, PLEASE RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND DON'T READ IT!!! CLICK THE BACK BUTTON NOW!!! (EXCEPT BEN, I GUESS I'LL ALLOW YOU TO READ IT.) ahem Sorry about that guys, but I wanna go into detail about my life and see if anyone has any good tilted advice. (Heh. Tilted advice. I deserve money for this type of advertising.) For the past four years I attended Blair Academy in New Jersey. Blair is a good private school that's fairly hard to get into. It's also the top wrestling school in the country. I learned to wrestle very well there. For a while I was ranked 30th in the nation for my weight. My grades, however, fell dramatically since I started there. They are on a 6.0 scale. I started at like a 4.8 and my junior year I was a 3.5. The end of my senior year I was back up to a 4.0. Mind you, this is very general. The whole time it was like a roller coaster. Really high one term and really low the next. This is more or less the trend on a very large scale though. While at Blair I met a very nice girl named Rebecca who I was then and I think still am very much in love with. While there, I became addicted to sniffing glue my sophomore year, and heavily addicted my junior year. By my senior year I was cold turkey again and still am. I cheated on her a little when we started going out, but as I fell in love with her I stopped. I got accepted into Davidson College in North Carolina which was rated the seventh hardest school to get into. I have a 1400 SAT score and my school's teachers aren't allowed to write reccomendations if they aren't gonna write good ones, so my slacking (which I did a lot of) didn't get through to the college. All in all I look really good on paper. Because of that, I got a scholarship for $15,000 dollars that requires I wrestle and maintain a 3.0 (on a 4.0 scale). I didn't really want to wrestle, but for that much money I thought I could manage. Over the summer my Mom convinced me that becoming a genetic research scientist was an ideal career choice. It sounded good. I like science, and I love lab time. Davidson has an excellent Biology program and one of the top research scientists in Genomics is my Biology teacher. In spite of these awesome opportunities though, since I came here I've been slipping off the productive track more and more. When I first arrived, I was exposed to drinking for the second time ever. I am in a substance free dorm which requires I don't drink in the dorm and don't come back drunk. I've come back really drunk twice. After the second time, I gave up alcohol. My wrestling is good, I'm the best on the team. However, it is a lot of hard work and I really don't want to do it. Same with school really. My work was going okay in the beginning, but has been slowly slipping off since I came here. Lately, I've taken up smoking. I haven't been to any classes but Biology in two weeks, and I haven't been paying attention or doing homework for that one. I've cheated on Becca a few times in the beginning, but I've put a stop to that. I think these self-destructive habits are a subconsious passive-aggressive way to return home, get a job, and go to state college and become a teacher. (Home is Birmingham Alabama by the way.) That's what I really want to do, but I have a few things that conflict with these emotions though. For one, I don't think Becca (who I'm still with) would be very happy with that (she's a rich girl with awesome grades). Another, I don't think my mother would be happy with it after she spent all that money on my education at Blair and at Davidson; though I think she'd support me if I told her that's what I wanted (emotionally not financially). Third, I've made this friend here who looks up to me as kind of a mentor now, and I'd hate to think of him following me down that path. (He may not. I don't know how much he is joking when he calls himself my pupil.) Fourth, I've met this girl here I really like. We were semi-together for a brief couple of days, but she's in love with some other guy or sumthin. That guy cheats on her and stuff though, so I don't know. I think she likes me too. I'd still like to stay near her anyway. Fifth and finally, I'm a little afraid that when I look back, I'll regret leaving. I can't imagine feeling that way now, but I'm also young and naive and I can respect that. That's about the most neutral story of my recent life I can give. Does anyone out there have any suggestions or philosophy to help me out? I would appreciate it greatly. Thanks for reading no matter what.