numist

I've held out on posting in this thread for a long time, to see what direction it would take, but obviously I think its going in the right direction now.

I have thought of suicide only once in my life. It was, and always will be the lowest part of my life, and I'm glad now that I didn't actually act on my urges.

Background - I was a sophmore in HS when this happened, and I had been 'acting psychiatrist' for some of my friends. This is what I do, because a lot of people have their own issues to work out, and a lot of people don't trust someone who has an office. I have studied psychology for years, since middle school I was reading theory, so I have been doing this for quite a while.
My girlfriend was one of the people I was trying to help out at the time, and she had made a lot of progress. She was very introverted and severely damaged because of abuse (mental, physical, and sexual) from her father, and 2 occurrences of rape that happened less than 2 blocks from her home (both). When I found her she was ready to die. I watched her make her way back, its amazing how a human spirit can endure if you give it a little attention and care.
The school counselor (who I worked with closely and who had files on my friends because I'm not too proud to admit Im not a profesional) left on maternity leave, and a replacement was called in. Within 6 weeks, 3 of my friends were "medically separated" from the school (think: expulsion with a nicer name)

Alicia had to go back home.
She left in the middle of the night - I wasnt told that any of this was happening, and was unavailable when it did anyway.

She arrived in Hong Kong, and wrote me a card. I still have it. After a week, she committed suicide, and succeeded in her aim.

I was devastated, and felt shattered. I couldn't really deal with it for a while, I ran from it for so long, and whenever it caught up with me I was totally overwhelmed.

What brought me back to life was my current g/f (who wasn't at the time). It took her a year until she learned about it, and then another year to help me work through it (along with another friend of mine in HS, who does much the same for his friends as I do for mine). After that year, I started dating her, and continue to do so now, a year and a half later.

Now I'm back, better than ever, still living with the memory, but not controlled by it.

Suicide may seem like the easy way out to those who havent considered it, but once you have considered it you realize...

... in that position, it seems like the ONLY way out.

You do have to be there for someone when they are going through it. I have stopped a few people from committing suicide. They were very grateful. I still keep in contact with 2 of them, the others have gone their own way in life.