Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - GF problems

Scott · 10-30-2003, 06:45 PM

Thank you all for the advice. After talking to her for a while today, we both completely understand what each other thinks of the situation. I directly asked her what exactly I could do to make this easier on her... whether that be us not seeing each other for the time being or would it be better for me to be there for her during this. I told her I wanted to know what exactly she thought about everything and I also told her everything that had been on my mind. We made an agreement that if we couldn't speak to each other about the things bothering us, there was no reason for us to try building this relationship. I have made it very clear to her that in whatever she chooses to do I will understand and that I don't want to make any harder on her than it absolutely must be.

Her answer to this was she didn't want us to quit seeing each other and as far as sleeping with her ex, she claims she had no intentions of that every happening, it's just something that happened... somehow. Never being in that situation myself, I can't completely relate, but I'm able to forgive her and just try to allow things to eventually work their way out. She told me that even though they had dated for 2 years, it was something that began when she was only 15, and she only began this relationship just to be in a relationship... this being where lack of maturity I'm sure is showing on all of our parts (our age), as I'm only 19 myself. She claims it's just someone she came used to being around, and she had nobody better to spend her time with, so she spent it with him. During this time, oddly enough, she had wished I had expressed my feelings to her then, because she also had the same feelings. Now, and a quote from her, she says "I love him, but I'm not in love with him." She told me she wasn't sure if that made since to me, but I think I can understand.

She asked me did I think I had made the right decisions as far as us, and I replied that I do care for her more than anyone and my decision to express that to her was one that I'd never take back, although I wasn't sure that my timing was the best. I told her that in all honesty after waiting that long to initially say something it may of been better if I continued waiting until we could be together much easier, and the possibility of her ex being farther away... although he had planned to get an apartment near hers and find a job here.

She should be getting her cell phone number changed tomorrow, so she won't have to bother with her ex calling her all the time like he has been lately. When he calls her home, she has caller ID, so she knows when to and not to answer.

I think that everything will turn out ok eventually, but if I suspect anything else may be going on, I've made up my mind to simply tell her we're not going to work out and end whatever there is left there to end.

This has been a difficult few weeks, especially within the last few days, and I hope that things do turn out ok, because if they don't, I'll not only be losing a girlfriend, but a girl I've been best friends with for near 4 years of my life.

Scott

10-30-2003, 06:45 PM	#19 (permalink)
Scott Tilted	Thank you all for the advice. After talking to her for a while today, we both completely understand what each other thinks of the situation. I directly asked her what exactly I could do to make this easier on her... whether that be us not seeing each other for the time being or would it be better for me to be there for her during this. I told her I wanted to know what exactly she thought about everything and I also told her everything that had been on my mind. We made an agreement that if we couldn't speak to each other about the things bothering us, there was no reason for us to try building this relationship. I have made it very clear to her that in whatever she chooses to do I will understand and that I don't want to make any harder on her than it absolutely must be. Her answer to this was she didn't want us to quit seeing each other and as far as sleeping with her ex, she claims she had no intentions of that every happening, it's just something that happened... somehow. Never being in that situation myself, I can't completely relate, but I'm able to forgive her and just try to allow things to eventually work their way out. She told me that even though they had dated for 2 years, it was something that began when she was only 15, and she only began this relationship just to be in a relationship... this being where lack of maturity I'm sure is showing on all of our parts (our age), as I'm only 19 myself. She claims it's just someone she came used to being around, and she had nobody better to spend her time with, so she spent it with him. During this time, oddly enough, she had wished I had expressed my feelings to her then, because she also had the same feelings. Now, and a quote from her, she says "I love him, but I'm not in love with him." She told me she wasn't sure if that made since to me, but I think I can understand. She asked me did I think I had made the right decisions as far as us, and I replied that I do care for her more than anyone and my decision to express that to her was one that I'd never take back, although I wasn't sure that my timing was the best. I told her that in all honesty after waiting that long to initially say something it may of been better if I continued waiting until we could be together much easier, and the possibility of her ex being farther away... although he had planned to get an apartment near hers and find a job here. She should be getting her cell phone number changed tomorrow, so she won't have to bother with her ex calling her all the time like he has been lately. When he calls her home, she has caller ID, so she knows when to and not to answer. I think that everything will turn out ok eventually, but if I suspect anything else may be going on, I've made up my mind to simply tell her we're not going to work out and end whatever there is left there to end. This has been a difficult few weeks, especially within the last few days, and I hope that things do turn out ok, because if they don't, I'll not only be losing a girlfriend, but a girl I've been best friends with for near 4 years of my life. Scott Last edited by Scott; 10-30-2003 at 06:55 PM..