Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - GF problems

Scott · 10-30-2003, 09:46 AM

For the past 3 and 1/2 years of my life I've had a crush on one single girl. How it lasted that long I don't really understand myself. Although, for the past 2 years of that, she's had a boyfriend, so I would keep my feelings to myself and just talk to her as often as I could 'as a friend' never revealing what I really thought. This of course really annoyed her boyfriend, but she'd always give him the 'we're just friends' spill and how I had been friends with her long before they were a couple.

As a side note, her old boyfriend dropped out of school in the 11th grade, has been known to do his share of drugs, works as a carpenter's assistant... and is basicly just an overall loser. About two months ago I finally told her how I really felt about her almost exactly a month later she broke up with her boyfriend to be with me. I continually told her to take her time to do whatever she likes.. that I am not pressuring her to do anything. I didn't want to hurt our current relationship as friends by telling her how I felt nor did I want either of us to make a wrong decision, but after holding it to myself for that long I finally just had to let it all out. Thinking about her all the time and not being able to say what I felt was driving me insane.

So for the past 3 weeks, we have officially been a 'couple.' I love for this girl with all my heart and she says she also has that love for me - or so she says. At this point, I really don't know what to think... anyway, on with the story. Not to sound conceited, but to compare me a bit to her other boyfriend, I am a sophomore in college, I drive a 2001 mr2 spyder (2 seater convertible), I pay for my own apartment ect, and let's just say I make more money just from scholarships than her ex-boyfriend does working everyday. There really is no characteristic about her ex-boyfriend that I envy in the least, other than the girl's attachment to him.

So anyway, I live an hour and a half from her home, so I only get to see her about half the days of the week. She is only a senior and high school and will be here at the same college with me come June of next year. She did (up until yesterday) still talk to her ex-boyfriend from time to time when he calls her, we'd see him at church as she's been bringing me to the church she goes to where the ex also attends. It's been a fairly uncomfortable situation for all of us. About a week ago her ex called her when she was in my car and she answered (doesn't have caller ID on her cell)... I'm thinking no big deal, this will come to an end eventually, she just needs some more time. At the end of their conversation, he still ends it with 'I love you' and out of habit she claims, she also ended the coversation with 'I love you.' .... in my car, sitting right beside me, knowing this has been a hard few weeks, she tells her ex she loves him. About an hour later, she apologizes for it when I confront her about it. So at this point, I'm off at school thinking every day how can I trust her being closer to her ex when I'm this far away and she still claims that she loves him. I mean c'mon, do you think the guy is ever going to leave hearing she loves him on the phone (and I'm sure in person as well, but I didn't witness that).

So yesterday she's at my apartment and we fooled around a little (we haven't had sex, in fact I'm still a virgin) but we do other things, ect. At one point she just stops and asks me to just lay there with her for now. So I'm thinking she's just stressed out still... she had two tests the next day an an english paper due two days away. So we just layed there holding each other, which was fine with me.

A couple hours later it's about time for her to start driving back home for class the next morning and such, with stuff still to study, ect. So we're sitting there on my bed and she tells me "I have to tell you something you don't want to hear." First thing I think is, she's going back to the ex, but I just replied with something along the lines of "It's fine, just tell me what the problem is." After some silence, she finally tells me she had slept with her ex two days ago. Now this day, I knew when she was supposed to be home, and she didn't arrive there until 3 hours after. I had talked to her father, and he told me she had gone by her ex's to pick up some things she still had over there. When I talk to her when she gets home, she mentioned nothing about going to see her ex when I asked what all she had did that day, so I of course asked, 'so what was over at the *ex's name's* house?' She replied with something very short I don't recall and changed the subject.

So after she told me she had slept with her ex two days ago, I didn't get mad or anything, I tried staying as calm as possible and told her she needed to make a decision between the two of us. I told her I didn't need this stress in my life and if this is what things were going to be like I'd rather not bother at all. I asked would it be better if I just quit calling her perhaps until things settled (also while saying this, I think she knew that I also meant possible indefinitely). She told me no, if there was no me, she'd just go right back to him which she didn't want to do. So I ask her is she happy with her decision in breaking up with her ex for me... was that really what she wanted to do? She claims that's what she wants. Basicly I just went through a series of questions like these trying to find out just what she wanted. She seemed to start to get upset with me for asking such questions, then I said "what the hell am I supposed to think? how can I trust you when I hear you still tell your ex you love him, then I find out this?" So I tell her if she wants to have a relationship with me, she needs to decide that and make sure that's what she wants and let me and her ex both know that's what she decided on, or vice versa. She says I am her decision and that she doesn't want to be with her ex anymore, but wants to be with me.

I told her I don't want her talking to her ex anymore, going to his house anymore, accepting phone calls or messages from him anymore... if our relationship was going to work, we didn't need him making a hole between us.

I talked to her again that night before she went to bed and the subject was only brought up once when I asked was it necessary for her to get her cell phone number changed (knowing it was, I wanted to hear her answer) and she said yes, definitely, that she would get it done soon. We talked maybe 15 minutes about general stuff, then told each other goodnight.

I'm open to anything anyone has to say. Have a made the right decisions here? Should I just break it off with her in attempt to save myself some stress? She I wait it out and see if the problem actually clears up? ..hopefully before June when she's finally closer to me than him. Please please tell me what you think, I want to hear it.

Thanks,
Scott

(Thread originally written in 2003. Update @ end for 2009 for those that ever followed it!)

10-30-2003, 09:46 AM	#1 (permalink)
Scott Tilted	GF problems - need some feedback/advice For the past 3 and 1/2 years of my life I've had a crush on one single girl. How it lasted that long I don't really understand myself. Although, for the past 2 years of that, she's had a boyfriend, so I would keep my feelings to myself and just talk to her as often as I could 'as a friend' never revealing what I really thought. This of course really annoyed her boyfriend, but she'd always give him the 'we're just friends' spill and how I had been friends with her long before they were a couple. As a side note, her old boyfriend dropped out of school in the 11th grade, has been known to do his share of drugs, works as a carpenter's assistant... and is basicly just an overall loser. About two months ago I finally told her how I really felt about her almost exactly a month later she broke up with her boyfriend to be with me. I continually told her to take her time to do whatever she likes.. that I am not pressuring her to do anything. I didn't want to hurt our current relationship as friends by telling her how I felt nor did I want either of us to make a wrong decision, but after holding it to myself for that long I finally just had to let it all out. Thinking about her all the time and not being able to say what I felt was driving me insane. So for the past 3 weeks, we have officially been a 'couple.' I love for this girl with all my heart and she says she also has that love for me - or so she says. At this point, I really don't know what to think... anyway, on with the story. Not to sound conceited, but to compare me a bit to her other boyfriend, I am a sophomore in college, I drive a 2001 mr2 spyder (2 seater convertible), I pay for my own apartment ect, and let's just say I make more money just from scholarships than her ex-boyfriend does working everyday. There really is no characteristic about her ex-boyfriend that I envy in the least, other than the girl's attachment to him. So anyway, I live an hour and a half from her home, so I only get to see her about half the days of the week. She is only a senior and high school and will be here at the same college with me come June of next year. She did (up until yesterday) still talk to her ex-boyfriend from time to time when he calls her, we'd see him at church as she's been bringing me to the church she goes to where the ex also attends. It's been a fairly uncomfortable situation for all of us. About a week ago her ex called her when she was in my car and she answered (doesn't have caller ID on her cell)... I'm thinking no big deal, this will come to an end eventually, she just needs some more time. At the end of their conversation, he still ends it with 'I love you' and out of habit she claims, she also ended the coversation with 'I love you.' .... in my car, sitting right beside me, knowing this has been a hard few weeks, she tells her ex she loves him. About an hour later, she apologizes for it when I confront her about it. So at this point, I'm off at school thinking every day how can I trust her being closer to her ex when I'm this far away and she still claims that she loves him. I mean c'mon, do you think the guy is ever going to leave hearing she loves him on the phone (and I'm sure in person as well, but I didn't witness that). So yesterday she's at my apartment and we fooled around a little (we haven't had sex, in fact I'm still a virgin) but we do other things, ect. At one point she just stops and asks me to just lay there with her for now. So I'm thinking she's just stressed out still... she had two tests the next day an an english paper due two days away. So we just layed there holding each other, which was fine with me. A couple hours later it's about time for her to start driving back home for class the next morning and such, with stuff still to study, ect. So we're sitting there on my bed and she tells me "I have to tell you something you don't want to hear." First thing I think is, she's going back to the ex, but I just replied with something along the lines of "It's fine, just tell me what the problem is." After some silence, she finally tells me she had slept with her ex two days ago. Now this day, I knew when she was supposed to be home, and she didn't arrive there until 3 hours after. I had talked to her father, and he told me she had gone by her ex's to pick up some things she still had over there. When I talk to her when she gets home, she mentioned nothing about going to see her ex when I asked what all she had did that day, so I of course asked, 'so what was over at the ex's name's house?' She replied with something very short I don't recall and changed the subject. So after she told me she had slept with her ex two days ago, I didn't get mad or anything, I tried staying as calm as possible and told her she needed to make a decision between the two of us. I told her I didn't need this stress in my life and if this is what things were going to be like I'd rather not bother at all. I asked would it be better if I just quit calling her perhaps until things settled (also while saying this, I think she knew that I also meant possible indefinitely). She told me no, if there was no me, she'd just go right back to him which she didn't want to do. So I ask her is she happy with her decision in breaking up with her ex for me... was that really what she wanted to do? She claims that's what she wants. Basicly I just went through a series of questions like these trying to find out just what she wanted. She seemed to start to get upset with me for asking such questions, then I said "what the hell am I supposed to think? how can I trust you when I hear you still tell your ex you love him, then I find out this?" So I tell her if she wants to have a relationship with me, she needs to decide that and make sure that's what she wants and let me and her ex both know that's what she decided on, or vice versa. She says I am her decision and that she doesn't want to be with her ex anymore, but wants to be with me. I told her I don't want her talking to her ex anymore, going to his house anymore, accepting phone calls or messages from him anymore... if our relationship was going to work, we didn't need him making a hole between us. I talked to her again that night before she went to bed and the subject was only brought up once when I asked was it necessary for her to get her cell phone number changed (knowing it was, I wanted to hear her answer) and she said yes, definitely, that she would get it done soon. We talked maybe 15 minutes about general stuff, then told each other goodnight. I'm open to anything anyone has to say. Have a made the right decisions here? Should I just break it off with her in attempt to save myself some stress? She I wait it out and see if the problem actually clears up? ..hopefully before June when she's finally closer to me than him. Please please tell me what you think, I want to hear it. Thanks, Scott (Thread originally written in 2003. Update @ end for 2009 for those that ever followed it!) Last edited by Scott; 11-26-2009 at 06:15 PM..