Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Did I do the right thing? What would you have done?

KnifeMissile · 10-27-2003, 12:47 AM

Wow, I'm shocked to see all the different responses. I'm even shocked at the responses from the different posters that I know from TFP. The thread also got so long so fast that I don't think I can adequately answer every point that I wanted to make but I'll do the best that I can.

This was a very difficult situation.

If I were in your position, I would, with great reticence, have told him the truth but only after telling her I was going to do so. I would also be prepared to piss him off and to lose my friendship. I'm not entirely sure if you could do the same which is why this may not have been the best course of action for you, in particular. It all depends on what your values are.

Is it any of your business? No, in that it's not your relationship and not your marriage. On the other hand, it's not as if she told you all this in confidence. You were there to witness it all! She obviously wasn't trying to make it a secret and so, while it may be obvious that she wouldn't want you to, you have every prerogative to tell him, whether it was for her, his, or your benefit (although I'd hope it was for his).

Are they necessarily better off? No, but they may very well be better off. Who knows? Life is hard and you try to do the best you can based on imperfect information and a lack of prognostication. I think this course of action has the best chance of working out, all around, but opinions vary.

Will a cheater necessarily cheat again? Of course not but is that really the point? I'd hate to use a cheesy analogy but if someone was selling me a defective product, I'd want someone to inform me! She broke a trust and he deserves to know! Whether she will cheat again (or whether he'd care) is a judgment he should make and the more information he has the better.
As a side note, I think that this particular girl will cheat again and I think sillygirl would agree.

Again, this was a very difficult situation and every course of action risks hurt feelings and lost friendships.

Oh, and if it were me in his position, I would want to know!

10-27-2003, 12:47 AM	#34 (permalink)
KnifeMissile Location: Waterloo, Ontario	Wow, I'm shocked to see all the different responses. I'm even shocked at the responses from the different posters that I know from TFP. The thread also got so long so fast that I don't think I can adequately answer every point that I wanted to make but I'll do the best that I can. This was a very difficult situation. If I were in your position, I would, with great reticence, have told him the truth but only after telling her I was going to do so. I would also be prepared to piss him off and to lose my friendship. I'm not entirely sure if you could do the same which is why this may not have been the best course of action for you, in particular. It all depends on what your values are. Is it any of your business? No, in that it's not your relationship and not your marriage. On the other hand, it's not as if she told you all this in confidence. You were there to witness it all! She obviously wasn't trying to make it a secret and so, while it may be obvious that she wouldn't want you to, you have every prerogative to tell him, whether it was for her, his, or your benefit (although I'd hope it was for his). Are they necessarily better off? No, but they may very well be better off. Who knows? Life is hard and you try to do the best you can based on imperfect information and a lack of prognostication. I think this course of action has the best chance of working out, all around, but opinions vary. Will a cheater necessarily cheat again? Of course not but is that really the point? I'd hate to use a cheesy analogy but if someone was selling me a defective product, I'd want someone to inform me! She broke a trust and he deserves to know! Whether she will cheat again (or whether he'd care) is a judgment he should make and the more information he has the better. As a side note, I think that this particular girl will cheat again and I think sillygirl would agree. Again, this was a very difficult situation and every course of action risks hurt feelings and lost friendships. Oh, and if it were me in his position, I would want to know! Last edited by KnifeMissile; 10-27-2003 at 01:06 AM..