Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - What's the most screwed-up thing your significant other (or ex, now) has done to you?

raeanna74 · 10-22-2003, 06:43 AM

My first boyfriend - I met him in college when I was 18. My best friend introduced me to him there. Her boyfriend and he were good friends. So the 4 of us were always together. Her boyfriend was a loser as well. Within a week we were going steady and I'd had my first kiss (real kiss from a boyfriend not an elementary school kind). It was partly my sheltered lifestyle prior to college that made me go so fast into things. It was exciting and I had no experience with any of the dating scene. The guy was really into martial arts, RPG's, Necromancy, and Satanism too. I didn't find all that out until later. He wasn't technically a Satanist but studied it to the exclusion of every other form of belief. He became controlling quite quickly and I allowed it because it was the first I'd been away from home and I'd lived such a religiously controlled lifestyle before. It felt familiar and comfortable. He'd call me at all times of the night (we were still in a conservative school and not allowed in each other's dorms) and get upset with me if I was sleeping and not waiting for his call or if I didn't want to talk and wanted to sleep. He told me I needed to watch what I ate and not go to the dining hall so much - skip a meal or two. I was 5'5" and about 130lbs, healthy and strong not fat in the least. He told me it was just because he wanted the best for me. He taught me a lot of the martial arts that he knew - which I am thankful for. We got into the RPG's and there was a game world he'd created from scratch (something like Realms) that we played constantly. He was the Dungeon Master. We ended up going to other peoples houses and playing to all hours of the night. I was hooked on them. He began to talk about the Necromacy and Satanism about half way through the semester and gave me some books to read - the Satanic Bible and Necronamicon (sp?). Later he told me I needed to buy my own and kept checking up on me until I had them to show him. There were many times that we'd go out walking away from people and we'd be talking and walking, holding hands. If I disagreed with anything he said or didn't pay good attention he'd squeeze my hand or twist my arm around. Sometimes even take a shot at me and later say he was just trying to teach me to be aware and ready to defend myself at all times. I often had bruises on my arms or back from his grip or jabs. One time we were over at his friends apt and watching TV. We started goofing off and it ended up (It happened so fast that I don't know how really) with me on my back with my skirt open (wrap skirt) and panties off. His friend was straddling me and my boyfriend was holding my hands over my head. It was that MOMENT when my friend knocked on the door. She had a key so could come in even if they didn't get up to open it so they let me go. I grabbed my panties and dashed for the bathroom to straighten up. I never told her - I still don't understand why. I think I felt guilty about it and I don't know why. There was so much more that I cannot handle typing here. Suffice it to say he was cruel and controlling.

My parents knew something was going wrong. I had stopped calling them. When they called I was either gone or didn't talk to them, just listened. They could hear in my voice (my parents and I have talked about this lots) that something wasn't right. Eventually they came to school at the end of the semester and told me I had to come home with them. They packed up my stuff amid my tears and protestations and I had not much choice but to go with them. When I got home he would call me frequently and talk for hours. My mother says that before he called I would be happy and calm but after he called there was nothing she could say to me without me screaming at her or crying. I can see it now - never could see it then. I was depressed to the point of thinking about suicide. Hated everyone and didn't like being around people. I literally made myself sick with diarrea and vomiting whenever we went somewhere to visit people. I was so tired all the time and sick half the time. I eventually went to see the Dr and they discovered that I was severely anemic. Because of my recent history he believed that it was simply the stress, and malnutricion (I had almost quit eating). I had lost enough weight that I was only about 100lbs at 5'5" and I do not have petite bones or a petite frame (never had a broken bone). He put me on suppliments and had me coming back in a week. the verdict was if my level had not raised enough by then that he would hospitalize me. I was better and the act of actually taking care of myself helped my inner strength. About that time my parents were hosting a man who was hard of hearing and who's apt was closing so he had to find other housing. He knew of the situation with my boyfriend and answered the phone once. He talked to my boyfriend then and told him to bug off and that I was no longer interested in him. My family and I had tried to tell the him the same thing but he wouldn't listen or quit calling. I never had the strength to hang up on him. This time though the live-in made it appear to my boyfriend that I had found another man (he was 10 years my senior) and that I was truely moving on. He stopped calling and I slowly pulled my life back together. I did eventually get engaged to the deaf guy but the deaf culture was too different for me to handle all that adjustment and so we broke it off calmly.

I am thankful to him for helping me find the strength to leave my boyfriend behind emotionally. My grandmother gets much of the credit for her encouragement and love. I cannot go near RPG's I know they are addicting to me. I cannot listen to Metallica because that's all my boyfriend listened too. It causes me panic attacks when I hear it sometimes even. It was 10 years ago now and I have learned so much from the whole thing. I have encouraged other girls in difficult relationships because I now recognise the dangerously manipulative personalities easier. I have not seen or heard from him since and don't know how I'd react to facing him again. I have panicked when I thought I saw him in a crowd. I think I would be strong enough now. I think possibly I would refuse to even talk to him should he approach me. Sometimes I wish I could have that though to prove to myself that I am completely emotionally free.

Sorry so long.

10-22-2003, 06:43 AM	#30 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	My first boyfriend - I met him in college when I was 18. My best friend introduced me to him there. Her boyfriend and he were good friends. So the 4 of us were always together. Her boyfriend was a loser as well. Within a week we were going steady and I'd had my first kiss (real kiss from a boyfriend not an elementary school kind). It was partly my sheltered lifestyle prior to college that made me go so fast into things. It was exciting and I had no experience with any of the dating scene. The guy was really into martial arts, RPG's, Necromancy, and Satanism too. I didn't find all that out until later. He wasn't technically a Satanist but studied it to the exclusion of every other form of belief. He became controlling quite quickly and I allowed it because it was the first I'd been away from home and I'd lived such a religiously controlled lifestyle before. It felt familiar and comfortable. He'd call me at all times of the night (we were still in a conservative school and not allowed in each other's dorms) and get upset with me if I was sleeping and not waiting for his call or if I didn't want to talk and wanted to sleep. He told me I needed to watch what I ate and not go to the dining hall so much - skip a meal or two. I was 5'5" and about 130lbs, healthy and strong not fat in the least. He told me it was just because he wanted the best for me. He taught me a lot of the martial arts that he knew - which I am thankful for. We got into the RPG's and there was a game world he'd created from scratch (something like Realms) that we played constantly. He was the Dungeon Master. We ended up going to other peoples houses and playing to all hours of the night. I was hooked on them. He began to talk about the Necromacy and Satanism about half way through the semester and gave me some books to read - the Satanic Bible and Necronamicon (sp?). Later he told me I needed to buy my own and kept checking up on me until I had them to show him. There were many times that we'd go out walking away from people and we'd be talking and walking, holding hands. If I disagreed with anything he said or didn't pay good attention he'd squeeze my hand or twist my arm around. Sometimes even take a shot at me and later say he was just trying to teach me to be aware and ready to defend myself at all times. I often had bruises on my arms or back from his grip or jabs. One time we were over at his friends apt and watching TV. We started goofing off and it ended up (It happened so fast that I don't know how really) with me on my back with my skirt open (wrap skirt) and panties off. His friend was straddling me and my boyfriend was holding my hands over my head. It was that MOMENT when my friend knocked on the door. She had a key so could come in even if they didn't get up to open it so they let me go. I grabbed my panties and dashed for the bathroom to straighten up. I never told her - I still don't understand why. I think I felt guilty about it and I don't know why. There was so much more that I cannot handle typing here. Suffice it to say he was cruel and controlling. My parents knew something was going wrong. I had stopped calling them. When they called I was either gone or didn't talk to them, just listened. They could hear in my voice (my parents and I have talked about this lots) that something wasn't right. Eventually they came to school at the end of the semester and told me I had to come home with them. They packed up my stuff amid my tears and protestations and I had not much choice but to go with them. When I got home he would call me frequently and talk for hours. My mother says that before he called I would be happy and calm but after he called there was nothing she could say to me without me screaming at her or crying. I can see it now - never could see it then. I was depressed to the point of thinking about suicide. Hated everyone and didn't like being around people. I literally made myself sick with diarrea and vomiting whenever we went somewhere to visit people. I was so tired all the time and sick half the time. I eventually went to see the Dr and they discovered that I was severely anemic. Because of my recent history he believed that it was simply the stress, and malnutricion (I had almost quit eating). I had lost enough weight that I was only about 100lbs at 5'5" and I do not have petite bones or a petite frame (never had a broken bone). He put me on suppliments and had me coming back in a week. the verdict was if my level had not raised enough by then that he would hospitalize me. I was better and the act of actually taking care of myself helped my inner strength. About that time my parents were hosting a man who was hard of hearing and who's apt was closing so he had to find other housing. He knew of the situation with my boyfriend and answered the phone once. He talked to my boyfriend then and told him to bug off and that I was no longer interested in him. My family and I had tried to tell the him the same thing but he wouldn't listen or quit calling. I never had the strength to hang up on him. This time though the live-in made it appear to my boyfriend that I had found another man (he was 10 years my senior) and that I was truely moving on. He stopped calling and I slowly pulled my life back together. I did eventually get engaged to the deaf guy but the deaf culture was too different for me to handle all that adjustment and so we broke it off calmly. I am thankful to him for helping me find the strength to leave my boyfriend behind emotionally. My grandmother gets much of the credit for her encouragement and love. I cannot go near RPG's I know they are addicting to me. I cannot listen to Metallica because that's all my boyfriend listened too. It causes me panic attacks when I hear it sometimes even. It was 10 years ago now and I have learned so much from the whole thing. I have encouraged other girls in difficult relationships because I now recognise the dangerously manipulative personalities easier. I have not seen or heard from him since and don't know how I'd react to facing him again. I have panicked when I thought I saw him in a crowd. I think I would be strong enough now. I think possibly I would refuse to even talk to him should he approach me. Sometimes I wish I could have that though to prove to myself that I am completely emotionally free. Sorry so long. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.