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"The church" can be many things. Even though gay marriages are not recognized by the government in the US, guess what? Gay couples who want to be married, do so by whatever means necessary. The point that I am trying to make is that the government should have no say as to who is or is not married. Society should be left up to defining and governing marriage.
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I realize that when two people have their hearts set on marriage, they will often do what it takes to get married. Unfortunately in many places that kind of marriage isn't recognized as being valid. In many instances a man will not be able to make medical decisions on behalf of his husband or recieve benefits under his husband's health plan(that is getting better). Right now the state is endorsing an antiquated notion of marriage based on the idea that only a man and a woman can love each other enough to make an eternal commitment before god.
Attributing this entirely to the church was somewhat inaccurate, and my mistake, because many nonreligious people are afraid of gay marriage too.
I agree, if the govenments stops recognizing marriage all together than i would have no problem with that. Currently the government grants special rights and privelidges to married couples, i just want my goverment to not discriminate based on sexual orientation.