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Swallow your pride and buy an electric. You can make good Rocky Horror jokes while you carve.
Seriously.
I'm the Designated Carver among the group of friends I usually do Thanksgiving with. Not because I brought any particular skill to the table (though I have learned), but because I was the only guy who wasn't afraid of it.
First, remove the wings and drumsticks and set them aside. Then make begin taking slices from the breasts. The breastbone is right at the surface in the middle of the bird, but drops deep as you go down the side. There's room for a lot of slicing on both breasts.
Then start taking meat off the thighs, legs, and, as much as you can, wings. There's no neat way to do this, you sort of have to wrestle off what you can get. You'll be surprised how much you get off, though.
I like to leave half the bird unsliced until everybody's had one run past the buffet. Keeps that half from drying out before people have time to come back for seconds. Take the limbs off, though, that's easiest when the bird is super hot.
Above all, don't be afraid to make a mess! Just get in there and slice. It all eats, whether it's neatly cut or not!
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