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From what I read, his father was a strict and somewhat harsh man, but no more than many fathers.
Relatives of Phelps back in Missourri don't understand exactly what has caused Fred to go off the deep end, but his two oldest sons recount that there father always had anger and hatred and now that his children are adults, Fred has switched from beating them to hating gays.
My own opinion so far is that there is real evil in the world, and Fred Phelps is one manifestation of it.
And I think you are right, Phelps uses religion to spread his hate, the same way some mean use women for sex and use children for profit.
Consider that local Topeka religious leaders regularly denounce Phelps or that Fred regularly attacks other churches and their members.
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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis
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