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A few rude ones...
A woman went to her doctor for a followup visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."
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Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?"
"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!!"
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"The Soviet propaganda ministry ordered 10 million condoms from an American manufacturer, all 16" long and 3" in diameter. The American manufacturer filled the order, sending the merchandise in boxes marked 'medium.'"
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A patient was waiting in a pre-op room for his vasectomy. A nurse walked in, lifted his robes, and gave him a blow job. The patient exclaimed: "Hey, that was great, but why?" The nurse responded: "The doctor likes your tubes to be flushed prior to the operation."
As the patient was being wheeled into the operating room, he noticed other patients masturbating. He asked the attendant why they were doing this. The attendent replied that they, too, were about to have vasectomies. The patient then inquired why he got a blow job, while they had to masturbate.
"Simple," said the attendant. "They have HMO, while you have Blue Cross."
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If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten
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