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Rlyss · 10-04-2003, 07:48 AM

Thanks for the reply guthmund. She does indeed have a few issues with both her parents. They are strict Asian parents, the kids have grown up in Western society, so there's a huge conflict there. From what I've experienced, and what I've been told about her family, it appears that it's every person for themselves in that household - nobody looks out for each other and there's a lot of hatred and distrust between all the members. She also told me that when she was younger she was caned for misbehaving - not just spanked or scolded, but caned, with an actual cane, and that scared me and angered me so much to hear it.

I think I'm only just beginning to realize that the family life she knows is just so incredibly different to the family life I know, that it's impossible for me to fully understand it. I'm trying, of course, and I'm trying to accept it.

I probably got a bit worked up when I said I'd tell the father how I feel. It's not really my place to do that. I still don't want to go to their family's house any more, I know I won't feel welcome (even though I merely felt 'tolerated' before), and I don't want her father here either, but if our paths happen to cross I'll just be as polite as is necessary and not give him the impression that I agree with his parenting.

I'm also trying to get my partner to see me less as a punching bag, or someone she can take her anger and frustration out on, and more of someone who will listen and help, but from what I can see she's never really had that, so I'm trying my hardest to be there for her.

10-04-2003, 07:48 AM	#12 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	Thanks for the reply guthmund. She does indeed have a few issues with both her parents. They are strict Asian parents, the kids have grown up in Western society, so there's a huge conflict there. From what I've experienced, and what I've been told about her family, it appears that it's every person for themselves in that household - nobody looks out for each other and there's a lot of hatred and distrust between all the members. She also told me that when she was younger she was caned for misbehaving - not just spanked or scolded, but caned, with an actual cane, and that scared me and angered me so much to hear it. I think I'm only just beginning to realize that the family life she knows is just so incredibly different to the family life I know, that it's impossible for me to fully understand it. I'm trying, of course, and I'm trying to accept it. I probably got a bit worked up when I said I'd tell the father how I feel. It's not really my place to do that. I still don't want to go to their family's house any more, I know I won't feel welcome (even though I merely felt 'tolerated' before), and I don't want her father here either, but if our paths happen to cross I'll just be as polite as is necessary and not give him the impression that I agree with his parenting. I'm also trying to get my partner to see me less as a punching bag, or someone she can take her anger and frustration out on, and more of someone who will listen and help, but from what I can see she's never really had that, so I'm trying my hardest to be there for her.