I had a girlfriend who used to love to give me the ol' reacharound HJ while on my motorcycle.
Messy, but fun 
But as for doing it myself to keep awake . . . . ummmmm - no.
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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.
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