Four Fingers

In a sunny land, located far away, somewhere in the mists of this thread, a group of great writers gathered around a fire. They swore, in God's name no-less, that they'd not leave that land, until they come up with the most amazing emotionally-engrossing story ever written.

But of course, as always, they broke their promise. They went back to their homes, to their boring unexciting lives, and came up with this lousy piece of post-modernist crap:

This game is so much better than the three-word-story game because you are using ten more words. Words like asparagus, fjord, octogon, gamecock, and turd. I think its really gonna catch on. Hey, did you hear about the guy who couldn't count to thirteen? Well? Did you? He was a moron. Hey I can't count to 13 either but sometimes I get lucky. Like this time. Good for you, Munku! Care to give it another try?

This thread isn't exactly a story yet though is it? I say we come up with a main character. I will name him Gordon the Plumber. A lonely man, who never got anywhere in his life, so who cares? Which is why we will talk about a differant person. His name is Ialy. The discussion board he started was clearly out of control. Posters kept posting, as posters are wont to do. Wont!? Is that even a word? shit piss cock cunt cocksucker motherfucker, tits fart turd and twat are words. This thread, new and supple, will henceforth be a retirement home for swear words.

Gordon the Plumber is actually a superhero that no one knows about and likes to use his wrench the way many like to use their favorite SPOON! Spoons are fun to play. I think we should start a band called Cutlery. Paddyjoe can take pictures, I'll play the drums and maybe someone else, probably Fremen, can be in charge of killing the moths and humping groupies that constantly try to jump flyman's bones.

Gordon is flyman's main source of HIV as well as other friendly STDs. One day Gordon was wondering about the benefits of ribbed condoms as oppose to plastic wrap. Oddly wetting his hand in the toilet first, he wrapped plastic around his green slimy tongue, all the while stroking his useless stump of a johnson. Poor Gordon didn't quite have it for the ladies, but maybe Bundy had the answer he was looking for in the shape of a piglet called Monty. Even though Monty was blind and deaf, Gordon would take care of all its porcine needs, which included shaving its chinny chin chin and finding a corkscrew shaped porcine vagina for the lonely little pink pig. BUT this wasn't Gordons only problem, he also suffered from halatosis. He wasn't good in the sack. Partially due to the bad breath. But also his feet which were covered in warts and smelled of mouldy meat and sour milk. This piglet ate burritos constantly, so people often called him the "full Monty".

Anyway, Monty gave Gordon a reason to live. And Gordon was happy. Until flyman tempted him with his bong, then lured him into his `56 chevy backseat, where they smoked weed and loved one another with a passion that caused a nearby gang of Hell's Angels to break into a dance routine which escalated to a full-blown chorus line involving fireworks, poodles in drag, rockettes on acid, unicyclists juggling chainsaws, circus freaks of every shape and size. When that had died down, Flyman then told Gordon that he didn´t love barbequed wings anymore.

Instead his new passion in life includes celery sticks and meth and anal insertions. Gordon could relate because he too enjoyed a good anal probe, especially when it had been soaked in honey overnight and it tickled his balls. Suddenly, the sky grew dark with ominous storm clouds and large electric lawnchairs that flew through the air at tremendous speeds and almost blew off some random guy's head! It was totally and utter anarchy in the U.K., so to speak. They actually lived in a small country called Oompa-Loompa Land that sold pork riblets made out of Gordons' cousins that were saturated in motor oil, then smoked over dried cat droppings that had been left in paddyjoe's shoes for seven days and seven nights where they fermented slowly.

The people of Oompa-Loompa Land worshipped Monty the Piglet, and used its bones of dead mimes to achieve the odd concoction used to fend off HIV. But Gordon was just a plumber, and already had HIV so he used this dead-mimish-concoction to lure llamas to his furry, florescent green sty. Once there, he'd quickly ejaculate a mixture of Franks hot sauce and day old blue cheese, which he would use to cover up his gaping heart. It gave Gordon a heart attack. But not to fear, for Monty had bought a fibulator off eBay a few days earlier. Gordon was jolted but his chest caved in revealing a fanged maw that snapped Monty's hands like Twix when you take them out of the freezer cold and fragile.

Monty was extremely alarmed by his spewing stump, but then he thought, "Hook!" "At last," he screamed, "It's a pirates life for me now!" he then exploded into countless piratical pieces which crawled off to form independent zombie pirates who were good at impersonating Oprah. Zombie pirate oprahs everywhere! It was enough to shiver me timbers, if my timbers weren't made out of fir! Arrrrrrrrr!!!

And indeed, Fremen was the first person that the zombie pirates visited. They raped, pillaged, looted, plundered, wrecked, sodomized, dishonored themselves on, and generally ruined Fremen's typically rosy outlook. he now was a broken, bitter man. He vowed to become the greatest zombie pirate ever known. It was, in fact, remarkably easy to defeat some of the drunk zombie pirate challengers who stood in his way. After dispatching Zombie pirates for the next 4 years, freman became the assistant short order cook at a place called "Wanda's" located in south central topeka. the job didn't last long, since fremen refused to wash up after -

HAHA! You're dying to know the rest, aren't you? Well, you'll have to wait quietly and patiently till we write it.
You may try to suck your own cock while waiting if you want. I hope you enjoyed the story.

__________________
"Always do right - this will gratify some and astonish the rest."