Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - A hypothetical situation (umm...yeah...er, sure)

raeanna74 · 09-23-2003, 11:37 AM

First of all most marriages/relationships that result from an affair have a 70% failure rate.

Most affairs last between 1-3 years

Most affairs end as a result of being found out.

I'm guessing this girl doesn't stick around too well. She may be hot but if she's your age and already had 4 kids and 2 relationships that are still hanging on such that you have to sneak around them - Then you are in for one hell of a ride.

They say that once a cheater always a cheater. I'm not saying anything about you but do you feel you can truely trust your mistress?

Also Don't EVER leave your wife FOR the mistress. It probably won't work. Most of the time - once you go through the stress of divorce and don't have the excitement of the "sneaking" and new person then the desire for the mistress will fade away too quickly.

Counseling not having worked before isn't necessarily an indication of it not working this time. You have a wife and a child. Stick around for the child's sake. If your wife is not an unfit mother and not causing you abuse and grief then she is worth staying together with.

Even if you can't go to couples counseling - go to counseling yourself. I was ready to leave my hubby only a couple years ago but after I expressed to him what I was feeling and seriously considering he kindof woke up. Started paying attention to me and my needs. We've had a lot of heavy duty conversations and both of us have made a lot of changes. Things are so much better you wouldn't believe the difference.

I agree with so much that has already been said.

As for ending your affair. It doesn't sound like you are that bad off in your marriage. Even if you don't get along as long as she isn't abusing then there is hope to reconcile. You have a child with this marriage - do you really want to jeapordize loosing your child? She could use this against you in court I believe saying you are unfit? If you want to be the father to your child I suggest that you cut things off with your mistress. Once you tell her the news the best route for you to take is "no contact". Otherwise you will be too tempted.

Good Luck. I hope things work out for you.

09-23-2003, 11:37 AM	#58 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	First of all most marriages/relationships that result from an affair have a 70% failure rate. Most affairs last between 1-3 years Most affairs end as a result of being found out. I'm guessing this girl doesn't stick around too well. She may be hot but if she's your age and already had 4 kids and 2 relationships that are still hanging on such that you have to sneak around them - Then you are in for one hell of a ride. They say that once a cheater always a cheater. I'm not saying anything about you but do you feel you can truely trust your mistress? Also Don't EVER leave your wife FOR the mistress. It probably won't work. Most of the time - once you go through the stress of divorce and don't have the excitement of the "sneaking" and new person then the desire for the mistress will fade away too quickly. Counseling not having worked before isn't necessarily an indication of it not working this time. You have a wife and a child. Stick around for the child's sake. If your wife is not an unfit mother and not causing you abuse and grief then she is worth staying together with. Even if you can't go to couples counseling - go to counseling yourself. I was ready to leave my hubby only a couple years ago but after I expressed to him what I was feeling and seriously considering he kindof woke up. Started paying attention to me and my needs. We've had a lot of heavy duty conversations and both of us have made a lot of changes. Things are so much better you wouldn't believe the difference. I agree with so much that has already been said. As for ending your affair. It doesn't sound like you are that bad off in your marriage. Even if you don't get along as long as she isn't abusing then there is hope to reconcile. You have a child with this marriage - do you really want to jeapordize loosing your child? She could use this against you in court I believe saying you are unfit? If you want to be the father to your child I suggest that you cut things off with your mistress. Once you tell her the news the best route for you to take is "no contact". Otherwise you will be too tempted. Good Luck. I hope things work out for you. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.