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This is a tough problem, but sex (for women) is so completely tied to how they feel about the relationship that it is hard to separate. She might be unwilling to adjust her time schedule for various reasons (comfortableness in her current shift/workers, time at the house by herself, etc.). It sounds like she thinks that there is something wrong in the marriage. Trying to create a romantic feeling in such an atmosphere is like trying to walk through a minefield. There is danger there but you might not know it. Marriage counseling might be a good idea as it would give you a place where you could talk and sort through the bullshit quickly. Sometimes when you talk at home you can get all caught up in emotions that you don't get to what is really bothering you. You need to have an honest talk with her about the situation and what you can do to improve it. My wife used to resent me for my seeming lack of emotional response when her mom died of cancer. I got pissed off because I could tell she resented it. It became a vicious cycle until we honestly talked about it. Now we have a great marriage. We spend at least an hour talking every day (either through phone or when I get home). This is time without the kids bothering us too much (they are 4 and 7). It has enabled us to really establish a deep rapport. We still have our issues on days when we don't feel good, but for the most part it is pretty idealic. The quantity and quality of sex has dramatically increased as a result. After 12 years of marriage, we are having sex roughly 4 times a week, and it has just gotten better. Just food for thought.
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