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The fastest way to get into an argument with an SO: accusation.
Just let her know how you feel. Tell her that you're okay with a threesome or possibly a foursome, but you have to be involved and in the know. Set boundaries. Personally, because you hadn't set any boundaries I'd say it would be unfair to get upset with her if she admits to have already done something with them. You never set the boundaries, so she doesn't really know what's acceptable and going on in your head. Tell her now before it's too late. If you agree with me about the fairness of the situation, I'd tell her what boundaries you are okay with, then tell her you'd like to know if the now-set boundaries had previously been crossed and you won't get mad if they have (and if you can honestly not get mad). If she has, tell her that boundaries have been set, if she does it again, you have every right to be upset. Assume the best, prepare for the worst.
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=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)
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