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You've managed to get me out of lurker status, just to chime in my $0.02...so here goes...
You said that you love your wife, but that you aren't totally IN love with her. An inelegant way of putting it, but I can't think of a better way, and it does get the point across. I do understand the feeling; though I've never married, I have been in long (5+ yrs) relationships. Part of the appeal of the mistress is the physical aspect, which you seem to not be getting at home. Did the subject of physical intimacy ever come up in your couseling sessions? If not, that might be a good way to add an advantage to staying with your wife. Also, if she is having problems enjoying her half of it, you might try adding in something like a vibrator to the bedroom. She may initially be adverse to the idea, but I personally have known women who have problems reaching orgasm any other way.
My best advice to you is to seriously ponder the following - Would you be happy, or even content, living with this women if she were only your flatmate rather than a wife? Is she witty enough to keep up in conversation? Is she tidy enough (or messy enough) for you? If the honest answer is yes, then stick with her. You love the woman, and love, even if it lacks the physical passion, can be a very, very hard thing to find. I have ex-es that I do still love, and that still love me (I think). Just because we couldn't work out the physical aspect (or, in one instance, the living arrangements, and little stuff that just got to me. Yes, I know, I can be a bit petty) doesn't mean that I've given up on their companionship.
As for coming clean...you should probably do so. Yes, it may hurt her, but you will forever feel guilty if you don't, and it is always worse to hear it from someone else. However, (and suggesting this right after confessing is a bad idea) if the only aspect of your relationship that is lacking is the physical, you might consider joining a swingers club. Living with someone, loving them, and raising a child with them doesn't mean that you can't still have great sex, whether with that person or with someone else.
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