Quote:
Originally posted by twotimesadingo
Absolutely come clean with your wife. Three reasons:
1.) She deserves it.
2.) If you have any intention of continuing your marriage, you need to know how she feels, and she needs to know how you feel. Therapy's been mentioned, but before you go that route, I recommend a sit-down. If you’re both adults, a facilitator isn't necessary during your first real discussion.
3.) Perhaps her response will surprise you. You said you were attracted to her intelligence; give her an opportunity to exercise it. Let her make a rational decision and stick with it, even if that means you're in a world for a while. Could be, your confession rekindles facets of the relationship you never really appreciated before.
How to get rid of the ex? Quickly. Be kind, be sincere and be honest: "I thought this would help me, and it doesn't. The sex is great, but I must admit to myself that a relationship can't be built on orgasms, and I don't think we have anything else that would bind us together."
Good luck, man.
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You might want to remember that the wife may get upset at his too. She is a human being with feelings. Let her air out her feelings without jumping in all the time. But be sure this is what you want to do. I know when I broke up with a long time girl friend, I told her the truth. We didn't talk for a while after that but we did eventually become friends again. There is going to be a lot of crying on her part and possibly some on yours too. But be sure to get out all of your problems, so that she knows what you are dealing with. Tell her the things that found you accepting the advances of another woman, don't make it a blame it all on her thing. It has to be positive to help in the end.
But always remember the little one. This is going to traumatize her a little if she has to see or hear any of this. For the little one's sake try and get a friend to watch her for a while when you have this discussion. Remember a little girl is always going to need a Daddy not just a father.
As for the mistress, I agree do this quickly, you can always tell the truth here as well. Tell her the sex is great but you want to give the marriage another try, especially for the child. Also tell her how all the sneaking around does not make you feel good, how you are worried about the 2 crazy ex's and what might happen if they found out, etc. Be a man and tell her straight out its over.
Anyway I hope I have helped in a small way.