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I don't want a funeral. A waste of time, effort and money. I'm dead - burn the body and move on, thank you, have a good day. I don't want people standing up and trying hard to say something good about me. I don't want people to talk about me in past tense. Once I'm dead, that's the end of my story.
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Sure I have a heart; it's floating in a jar in my closet, along with my tonsils, my appendix, and all of the other useless organs I ripped out.
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