Awesome! Thanks for your replies, everyone! You've really helped me put this into perspective. The results are pretty much what I had expected, but I am glad to see that I'm not the only one who learns to drive way later than most (but still hasn't  )
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You do not use a Macintosh, instead you use a Tandy
Kompressor break your glowstick, Kompressor eat your candy
Kompressor open jaws, Kompressor release ants
Kompressor watch you scream, Because Kompressor does not dance
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