Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - A hypothetical situation (umm...yeah...er, sure)

siryn · 09-16-2003, 01:30 PM

I really think you need to make this into two decisions, not one. It shouldn't be about which woman you are choosing, but about deciding how to make you life happy. Everyone who has said so so far is right: your attraction to your mistress is superficial, and though it brings you pleasure, it is an unstable situation that puts not just you, but her, your wife and child in a sticky situation. Your first decision should be: am I happy with my wife? If the answer is no, obviously the relationship needs to be reevaluated, and its clear that your relationship with your mistress has made you understand that there is more out there. So if you know you are unhappy with your wife, I suggest marriage counseling, as someone already has. Give this a shot, at least a month's worth, maybe twice a week, make sure you are expressing to your wife WHY you are uncomfortable in the relationship. You said that you've tried marriage therapy, but if you're not honestly expressing what problems there are and she's not listening (mind you I'm sure she might have complaints, too, this isn't totally about you), you have a problem. Have you tried just having a sit down discussion with her about problems? If she isn't receptive to your problems, leave: things aren't going to get better on their own.

Decision number two: this only applies if you decide to leave, but you need to decide what kind of relationship you are going to pursue with girl #2. In my honest opinion, she sounds manipulative and your feelings toward her to not seem very solid. DO NOT LET HER PUSH YOU TO MARRY HER. She seems like she is in a tricky situation - you mentioned that yourself, and she may just be looking for support, especially considering her choices in men - hostile boyfriend, hostile husband, and no offense, but man #3 (you) married money maker.

If you decide to leave your wife, don't do it for the mistress' sake, do it for you. If you are looking for someone who satisfies more than your wife can do, look for someone else. I gotta say, your mistress does not sound like a promising relationship at all. I'm sure the sex is great, but that is no basis for a relationship, much less a marriage, and you should be looking for someone who can fulfill your sexual life as well as your intellectual and emotional life.

You're still young, you have a lot of choices. Don't limit yourself to such a one or the other situation.

09-16-2003, 01:30 PM	#15 (permalink)
siryn Tilted Location: Long Beach CA	I really think you need to make this into two decisions, not one. It shouldn't be about which woman you are choosing, but about deciding how to make you life happy. Everyone who has said so so far is right: your attraction to your mistress is superficial, and though it brings you pleasure, it is an unstable situation that puts not just you, but her, your wife and child in a sticky situation. Your first decision should be: am I happy with my wife? If the answer is no, obviously the relationship needs to be reevaluated, and its clear that your relationship with your mistress has made you understand that there is more out there. So if you know you are unhappy with your wife, I suggest marriage counseling, as someone already has. Give this a shot, at least a month's worth, maybe twice a week, make sure you are expressing to your wife WHY you are uncomfortable in the relationship. You said that you've tried marriage therapy, but if you're not honestly expressing what problems there are and she's not listening (mind you I'm sure she might have complaints, too, this isn't totally about you), you have a problem. Have you tried just having a sit down discussion with her about problems? If she isn't receptive to your problems, leave: things aren't going to get better on their own. Decision number two: this only applies if you decide to leave, but you need to decide what kind of relationship you are going to pursue with girl #2. In my honest opinion, she sounds manipulative and your feelings toward her to not seem very solid. DO NOT LET HER PUSH YOU TO MARRY HER. She seems like she is in a tricky situation - you mentioned that yourself, and she may just be looking for support, especially considering her choices in men - hostile boyfriend, hostile husband, and no offense, but man #3 (you) married money maker. If you decide to leave your wife, don't do it for the mistress' sake, do it for you. If you are looking for someone who satisfies more than your wife can do, look for someone else. I gotta say, your mistress does not sound like a promising relationship at all. I'm sure the sex is great, but that is no basis for a relationship, much less a marriage, and you should be looking for someone who can fulfill your sexual life as well as your intellectual and emotional life. You're still young, you have a lot of choices. Don't limit yourself to such a one or the other situation.