Edward I of England ("Longshanks") comes north to conquer the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him. As he reaches the field of battle, on the crest of a hill there appears a solitary figure, a diminutive guy in a kilt.
"Hammer of the Scots!" yells the wee Scot. "Come up here, ya English bastards and I'll give ye ma own hammer!" Edward orders his commander: "Dispatch 10 men up there and deal with that tiny Scottish upstart." The commander sends 10 men over the hill to kill the Scot. Minutes later, at the crest of the hill, the little Scot appears again. "Ya English bastards!" he yells. "Come on the rest of ya! Come on, I'll have the whole lot of ya!"
Edward, rather annoyed, turns to his commander. "Take 25 men and kill that little Highland rubbish!" The commander sends 25 men over the hill to do the job. Ten minutes later, the feisty little Scot appears at the top of the hill again, his shirt a bit torn. "Ya English scum!" he taunts. "I'm joos warming up! Come and get me!" Edward is losing patience rapidly. "Commander, select 50 men and you personally blot him from the face of the earth!", he orders. The commander leads 50 men mounted on horseback over the crest of the hill.
Twenty minutes later, the wee Scotsman is back. His clothing is somewhat asunder and his face bloodied. He yells, "Is that the best ya can do?? You're cowardly WIMMIN! Come on, come up here and let's have a go lads! Edward turns to his next in command. "Take 100 men over that hill and do not return until you've killed him!" The men are assembled and they ride off over the hill. A few minutes later, but one of the English calvarymen appears at the top of the hill, running towards Edward. He's covered in blood, his weapons missing, and his clothes are in shreds.
Your Majesty!" he screams. "It's a trap! Withdraw the troops! There are two of them!"
