Rlyss

I'm sick of having this problem all to myself.

I'm twenty and I can not come during sex. I just can't.

It's not that I have a low libido (every now and then I do), but when I'm with someone I just can't get it up, and when I do the erection will last a minute or two and then slowly wither away. By the time the condom is out of the packet and on to my johnson, it's not even there anymore.

If it's a good day, sometimes I can bang away for 45 minutes straight, and although it feels ok, nothing ever brings me even remotely close to the edge. I've done it before... I can have insanely deep, rough, nice, slow, violent, horny, loving sex, anything really, and if it's a good day I can last for an hour of non-stop sex, and nothing comes out of it... literally nothing.

If I masturbate I can get off in a matter of seconds if I want. If I get a hand job I can usually come, but it takes a LOT of work from my girlfriend. When I'm alone I can just 'will' it up and come 5 times a day if I want, but when I'm with someone else, nothing.

My first sexual relationship lasted just under a year and we had a lot of sex. My girlfriend thought I was just as horny as she was. We would have sex until I felt I was going limp out of exhaustion (or just a low libido, or getting bored), then I would pretend I had come. I'd 'come', quickly pull out, get rid of the condom and pretend I was all spent. This went on for ten months, we practically lived together, I lied every single time we had sex. I'm going to have to live with that for the rest of my life, and I'm incredibly ashamed of it. I hate myself for lying to her every time we had sex.

For a while I thought it was just my partner, she was my first and all, but now that I'm with someone else it still doesn't happen. I didn't want to lie anymore, I told my current partner that it just doesn't happen for me. It's beginning to cause a rift in our relationship.

What can I do? I want sex, I love porn and I see the people in it having so much fun (despite it being fake, I know), I read here on TFP how much everybody loves sex, yet when it comes to me and a partner, bang, I'm either limp straight away, my dick gets erect for a minute and then just withers away, or I'm hard for hours and it's so insensitive that I just give up.

I really don't know what to do. I want to enjoy making love to my partner but now I just feel myself doing anything to get out of it because I know it'll end in disappointment.

I've tried just not thinking about it, and ejoying the moment, but if I do that it just goes limp. I'm not sure if this is a physical problem or a psychological one, borne out of two years of sexual activity and not one enjoyable episode of sex at all.