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Where did you get the statistic <i>"Given that 0.5% of the population has cancer. . . "</i>?
That seems rather low (by about a factor of 60), considering that cancer is the 2nd-leading cause of death in the United States (I can't speak for the statistics in Ireland)
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If you want to avoid 95% of internet spelling errors:
"If your ridiculous pants are too loose, you're definitely going to lose them. Tell your two loser friends over there that they're going to lose theirs, too."
It won't hurt your fashion sense, either.
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