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j8ear · 09-10-2003, 12:12 PM

My wife and sister-in-law are both adopted. My sister in law spent alot of money and anguish to locate her birth mom....only to be informed that this person wanted nothing to do with her. She was and is devastated. The money she spent was with her original adoption agency (a lutheran thing) and since the birth mom wanted nothing...they gave her nothing. It still seems like a huge scam to me. 25k to adopt, then 10k to learn about the adoption with them providing nothing but heart ache?

She thinks about persuing it further, but came to the realization that in the end she and her sister were very lucky to have been adopted by such a wonderful family. Further she realized that any of the medical information she had hoped to gleen from her birth mom was quite reasonably assertained using other methods.

I have asked my wife alot about any interest she has about locating her birth mom and she has absolutely none. She ~has~ a mom. She is also quite adament that the 'medical info' reasoning is nonsense, as mentioned earlier, because ALL of this info is assertainable otherwise.

Obviously, I only speak from a hear-say perspective, but I would leave it alone (although knowing me I'd probably persue it and regret it later). It's hard enough I'm sure to learn that your biological mom wants nothing to do with you...but probably even more difficult to deal with what could be an irate or even out-of-control person making a scene should you go against her wishes and introduce yourself.

Tough spot to be in. I wish you a steady mind and a sound constitution with your decision making.

I suspect you realize that should you persue it, you ~will~ definately disturb her current family situation.

best,

-bear

09-10-2003, 12:12 PM	#3 (permalink)
j8ear Gentlemen Farmer Location: Middle of nowhere, Jersey	My wife and sister-in-law are both adopted. My sister in law spent alot of money and anguish to locate her birth mom....only to be informed that this person wanted nothing to do with her. She was and is devastated. The money she spent was with her original adoption agency (a lutheran thing) and since the birth mom wanted nothing...they gave her nothing. It still seems like a huge scam to me. 25k to adopt, then 10k to learn about the adoption with them providing nothing but heart ache? She thinks about persuing it further, but came to the realization that in the end she and her sister were very lucky to have been adopted by such a wonderful family. Further she realized that any of the medical information she had hoped to gleen from her birth mom was quite reasonably assertained using other methods. I have asked my wife alot about any interest she has about locating her birth mom and she has absolutely none. She ~has~ a mom. She is also quite adament that the 'medical info' reasoning is nonsense, as mentioned earlier, because ALL of this info is assertainable otherwise. Obviously, I only speak from a hear-say perspective, but I would leave it alone (although knowing me I'd probably persue it and regret it later). It's hard enough I'm sure to learn that your biological mom wants nothing to do with you...but probably even more difficult to deal with what could be an irate or even out-of-control person making a scene should you go against her wishes and introduce yourself. Tough spot to be in. I wish you a steady mind and a sound constitution with your decision making. I suspect you realize that should you persue it, you ~will~ definately disturb her current family situation. best, -bear __________________ It's alot easier to ask for forgiveness then it is to ask for permission.