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Instead of asking a forum, ASK YOUR WIFE!
There are going to be problems with these sorts of things, I know, but think about it from her shoes. If this same thing happened to her, wouldn't you want her coming to you for help instead of strangers online? I know it hurts to know she would have a crush on another or whatnot, but it's there, and you two should be close enough/honest enough with eachother that you can discuss such things.
In my past experiences with this exact same situation (having a crush on best friend but wanting to stay loyal to SO), both times it happened it eventually just went away with time. I didn't back off my my best friends because I know I was able to not pull anything. After about a month or so though, I become closer to them as friend, but lost all feelings for them as anything more. Now I'm HAPPY that she has another person, where as before I got jealous. I can't explain it, but it worked for me, maybe it will work for you.
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