Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Should I Kick My 20-y.o. Son Out?

Double D · 09-05-2003, 10:01 PM

Thanks to all--I seem to keep saying that but please know, it is heartfelt.

My son has been fine since being chauffeured here by the county sheriff, 2.5 weeks ago.
He's still doing almost all the housework (I don't allow him access to my bedroom or bathroom-even to clean), and he's keeping a good attitude.
I'm using a system that I used to use when he was a child as a form of behavior modification-- basically he works towards *earning* certain privileges.
He's actively seeking work, though he can't leave the house--he's had friends bring job applications from their places of employment--and he's updated his resume.

He admitted to me that he was pretty heavily using drugs--pharmaceuticals--when he was picked up on the driving with a suspended license charge. He was lucky he wasn't high at the time.

I'm pretty disappointed that he did *hard* drugs--he was already through experimenting with the getting smashed on alcohol stage. He smoked here & there, both cigarettes & marijuana (not anywhere near this house, though!)--he's knows how I feel about both. Any smoke in your lungs is not healthful--and marijuana (as we know) is illegal.
But he was using some kind of pain-killer--I can't remember the name of it--the new, improved version of vicodin--heh. He'd stay out all night when he got high--so I never saw him that way.

The first few days he was here, I could tell he was coming off something--so I guess being here has effectively been his detox period.
The very few friends I've allowed in the house are all kids I know--kids that are doing well in their lives-- and some that I've known for most of Jim's life. You can tell the good kids from the bad--the bad will avoid me like the plague (they are not welcome here)-- and the good are in no hurry to get away from me.
There's no door closing and the visits are upstairs in the living room--everything within visual & auditory range.

He's *earned* back sleeping in a bed--for now.

His court date is this Tuesday. He's pretty confident that time served will qualify him for release--but I don't know.
My husband and I are still between a rock and a hard place on the car that we co-signed on. If Jim works--and he's always been able to get a job--he can make his own car payments and we won't bear that burden for the next three years.
Sooo...to throw him out again would be a burden on us (i.e. he'd default on the car)... the debate goes on...he's hanging by a thread and he knows it.

We want to see him succeed in life--I think he can--but he's got to think he can--and then be enough of a man to keep clean and work his tail off to dig himself out of the hole he's in.

09-05-2003, 10:01 PM	#121 (permalink)
Double D Junkie Location: Chicagoland	Update Thanks to all--I seem to keep saying that but please know, it is heartfelt. My son has been fine since being chauffeured here by the county sheriff, 2.5 weeks ago. He's still doing almost all the housework (I don't allow him access to my bedroom or bathroom-even to clean), and he's keeping a good attitude. I'm using a system that I used to use when he was a child as a form of behavior modification-- basically he works towards earning certain privileges. He's actively seeking work, though he can't leave the house--he's had friends bring job applications from their places of employment--and he's updated his resume. He admitted to me that he was pretty heavily using drugs--pharmaceuticals--when he was picked up on the driving with a suspended license charge. He was lucky he wasn't high at the time. I'm pretty disappointed that he did hard drugs--he was already through experimenting with the getting smashed on alcohol stage. He smoked here & there, both cigarettes & marijuana (not anywhere near this house, though!)--he's knows how I feel about both. Any smoke in your lungs is not healthful--and marijuana (as we know) is illegal. But he was using some kind of pain-killer--I can't remember the name of it--the new, improved version of vicodin--heh. He'd stay out all night when he got high--so I never saw him that way. The first few days he was here, I could tell he was coming off something--so I guess being here has effectively been his detox period. The very few friends I've allowed in the house are all kids I know--kids that are doing well in their lives-- and some that I've known for most of Jim's life. You can tell the good kids from the bad--the bad will avoid me like the plague (they are not welcome here)-- and the good are in no hurry to get away from me. There's no door closing and the visits are upstairs in the living room--everything within visual & auditory range. He's earned back sleeping in a bed--for now. His court date is this Tuesday. He's pretty confident that time served will qualify him for release--but I don't know. My husband and I are still between a rock and a hard place on the car that we co-signed on. If Jim works--and he's always been able to get a job--he can make his own car payments and we won't bear that burden for the next three years. Sooo...to throw him out again would be a burden on us (i.e. he'd default on the car)... the debate goes on...he's hanging by a thread and he knows it. We want to see him succeed in life--I think he can--but he's got to think he can--and then be enough of a man to keep clean and work his tail off to dig himself out of the hole he's in.