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uncle phil · 09-04-2003, 02:28 AM

NEW VIRUSES:

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people mad just thinking about it.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once by LAN. Twice if by C:.

POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

THE MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus.

TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents you system from spawning and child processes without joining into a binary network.

GALLUP VIRUS: Sixy percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

09-04-2003, 02:28 AM	#188 (permalink)
uncle phil comfortably numb... Super Moderator Location: upstate	NEW VIRUSES: GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine. NEW WORLD ORDER VIRUS: Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people mad just thinking about it. FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS: Divides your hard drive into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer. PAUL REVERE VIRUS: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once by LAN. Twice if by C:. POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS: Never calls itself a "virus," but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism." RIGHT TO LIFE VIRUS: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives. ROSS PEROT VIRUS: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. MARIO CUOMO VIRUS: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB. AT&T VIRUS: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting. THE MCI VIRUS: Every three minutes it reminds you that you are paying too much for the AT&T virus. TED TURNER VIRUS: Colorizes your monochrome monitor. ARNOLD SCHWARZENNEGGER VIRUS: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back. DAN QUAYLE VIRUS: Prevents you system from spawning and child processes without joining into a binary network. GALLUP VIRUS: Sixy percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error). __________________ "We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done." - Robert S. McNamara ----------------------------------------- "We will take our napalm and flame throwers out of the land that scarcely knows the use of matches... We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles." - Eugene McCarthy in "Vietnam Message" ----------------------------------------- never wrestle with a pig. you both get dirty; the pig likes it.