Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Parents don't like my girlfriend: how to deal?

wry1 · 09-01-2003, 10:23 PM

Okay, probably a stupid question, but I'm going to ask it anyway:

You said you are Chinese. Is this Chinese like still living in China? Or are you in the U.S.? Perhaps somewhere else?

The reason why I ask this is simple: depending on your locale, the cultural mores which define your society will be different. For that reason, allow my answer to be multi-faceted; I'll break it down into three areas.

Living in China: Dude, you're shit outta' luck. From what I know of the mores in that particular society, respecting the wishes of ones' elders and family is of very high priority. From that perspective, I'd say that you really need to see if you can talk your parents into accepting your girlfriend....and if not, then I'm sorry - I can't help.

U.S.A: Okay, you've got some latitude here. While various ethnic backgrounds (Asian in particular) still place a heavy emphasis on the "old" ways, the society here in the U.S. is so pervasive (and in some ways overpowering) that you have the option to ignore your parents completely and get on with your life....without the social stigma which would accompany such actions in the "Old Country". Talk to your parents, and if you cannot reach an understanding with them, go with your happiness. They will either come around in time or they won't, but ultimately your life cannot revolve around them.

Elsewhere: You've got to respect the cultural norms which form the basis for society where you live. Still talk with your family, let them know how much their behavior toward your girlfriend hurts you, and try to resolve this.

You're the only one who can make the decision to end it with her - your parents cannot do it no matter how hard they may wish to. It may mean taking a stronger stance with them, something I had to do with my own family a couple of times when we didn't see eye-to-eye over my relationships, but that's part of growing up and becoming your own person.

It comes down to this: if you love her, be strong, take a stand and most importantly show your girlfriend how much you care by being in her corner (visibly) when she's around your family. If you cannot do that last one, then don't spend a lot of time with your family. Sexymama has some really good points in her reply to you (in addition to a promising screen-name).

09-01-2003, 10:23 PM	#12 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Okay, probably a stupid question, but I'm going to ask it anyway: You said you are Chinese. Is this Chinese like still living in China? Or are you in the U.S.? Perhaps somewhere else? The reason why I ask this is simple: depending on your locale, the cultural mores which define your society will be different. For that reason, allow my answer to be multi-faceted; I'll break it down into three areas. Living in China: Dude, you're shit outta' luck. From what I know of the mores in that particular society, respecting the wishes of ones' elders and family is of very high priority. From that perspective, I'd say that you really need to see if you can talk your parents into accepting your girlfriend....and if not, then I'm sorry - I can't help. U.S.A: Okay, you've got some latitude here. While various ethnic backgrounds (Asian in particular) still place a heavy emphasis on the "old" ways, the society here in the U.S. is so pervasive (and in some ways overpowering) that you have the option to ignore your parents completely and get on with your life....without the social stigma which would accompany such actions in the "Old Country". Talk to your parents, and if you cannot reach an understanding with them, go with your happiness. They will either come around in time or they won't, but ultimately your life cannot revolve around them. Elsewhere: You've got to respect the cultural norms which form the basis for society where you live. Still talk with your family, let them know how much their behavior toward your girlfriend hurts you, and try to resolve this. You're the only one who can make the decision to end it with her - your parents cannot do it no matter how hard they may wish to. It may mean taking a stronger stance with them, something I had to do with my own family a couple of times when we didn't see eye-to-eye over my relationships, but that's part of growing up and becoming your own person. It comes down to this: if you love her, be strong, take a stand and most importantly show your girlfriend how much you care by being in her corner (visibly) when she's around your family. If you cannot do that last one, then don't spend a lot of time with your family. Sexymama has some really good points in her reply to you (in addition to a promising screen-name).