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Glad-I-Ate-Her · 08-26-2003, 07:05 PM

I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs
- Robert Downey JR

An amateur is someone who supports himself with outside jobs which enable him to paint. A professional is someone whose wife works to enable him to paint - Ben Shahn

I owe it all to little chocolate donuts - John Belushi

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality - Bob Hope

The most terrifying words in the English langauge are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help
- Ronald Reagan

Time rushes towards us with its hospital tray of infinitely varied narcotics, even while it is preparing us for its inevitably fatal operation - Tennessee Williams

Never wear anything that panics the cat - P. J. O'Rourke

Parsifal is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock. After it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6.20 - David Randolph

I'm not the man I used to be, so why should I have to pay off his debts? - Gary Apple

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die - Mel Brooks

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it - Dick Cavett

I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time - Steve Wright

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost - Russell Baker

I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in - Mick Miller

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic - Jane Wagner

I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter - Tommy Cooper

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong - Andy Rooney

My first rule of travel is never to go to a place that sounds like a medical condition and Critz is clearly an incurable disease involving flaking skin - Bill Bryson

An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country - Ambrose Bierce

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name - Milton Berle

At first glance, there's a lot of sex on the Internet. Or not at first glance: Nobody can find anything on the Internet at first glance - Senator Patrick Leahy

So many Right-Wing Christians, so few lions - Tee-Shirt worn by American liberals

Glad

08-26-2003, 07:05 PM	#1 (permalink)
Glad-I-Ate-Her Junkie Location: 1 mile from Ground Zero	Comical Sayings I don't drink these days. I am allergic to alcohol and narcotics. I break out in handcuffs - Robert Downey JR An amateur is someone who supports himself with outside jobs which enable him to paint. A professional is someone whose wife works to enable him to paint - Ben Shahn I owe it all to little chocolate donuts - John Belushi I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality - Bob Hope The most terrifying words in the English langauge are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help - Ronald Reagan Time rushes towards us with its hospital tray of infinitely varied narcotics, even while it is preparing us for its inevitably fatal operation - Tennessee Williams Never wear anything that panics the cat - P. J. O'Rourke Parsifal is the kind of opera that starts at six o'clock. After it has been going three hours, you look at your watch and it says 6.20 - David Randolph I'm not the man I used to be, so why should I have to pay off his debts? - Gary Apple Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die - Mel Brooks As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it - Dick Cavett I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time - Steve Wright Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories; those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost - Russell Baker I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in - Mick Miller When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic - Jane Wagner I inherited a painting and a violin which turned out to be a Rembrandt and a Stradivarius. Unfortunately, Rembrandt made lousy violins and Stradivarius was a terrible painter - Tommy Cooper The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong - Andy Rooney My first rule of travel is never to go to a place that sounds like a medical condition and Critz is clearly an incurable disease involving flaking skin - Bill Bryson An ambassador is a person who, having failed to secure an office from the people, is given one by the Administration on condition that he leave the country - Ambrose Bierce Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name - Milton Berle At first glance, there's a lot of sex on the Internet. Or not at first glance: Nobody can find anything on the Internet at first glance - Senator Patrick Leahy So many Right-Wing Christians, so few lions - Tee-Shirt worn by American liberals Glad __________________ I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!