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I've never experienced this problem. If a girl/woman told me she was holding back sex b/c she wanted something I would tell her to hit the highway (after I got through laughing hysterically at her). This is immature, manipulative and just plain silly. If she wants something then she should just say it. If you want to do it, then do it. Why does sex get mixed up in this normal relationship type stuff? I wouldn't put up with it. Maybe you don't listen to her or do what she wants unless she sex "no sex unless you..."? If so, the problem is with you. If not, then find a more mature girl. Maybe tell her what I said in this comment - that she needs to communicate her wants separate from the "priviledge" of having sex with her and that you feel that her holding sex like that is immature and manipulative and that you don't want her to do it anymore.
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