08-22-2003, 09:23 AM
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#36 (permalink)
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Psycho
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I just found this on this website : http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~wenz/
Quote:
Using Your Triple-Nipple for Social and Career Advancement
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So you've managed to live a normal life with your Triple-Nipple. You finished high school; you have a girlfriend; you work out twice a week; you drink Pepsi One because it has that secret formula that's too good to be called "diet". But every now and then, you can't help but wonder, "Is this all I'm destined for? Will this cursed Triple-Nipple be the cause of anything besides pain and suffering?"
NO. YES.
These are the refreshing--refreshing like Pepsi One is refreshing--answers, respectively, to these two probing questions.
Arguably the greatest benefit of having a Triple-Nipple is the opportunity for personal advancement beyond the opportunties of less fortunate people.
Career
Your Triple-Nipple can be used in countless ways for climbing the career ladder of success. However, keep in mind that this brings with it many a moral dilemma. Always remember that your Triple-Nipple can be used for good, or it can be used for evil...
To help you understand the distinction, here are some contrasting examples of using your Triple-Nipple for good and evil:
Good and Evil in the Workplace
GOOD
Hang the bosses coat on it
Give it responsibility of performing "emergency machine shutoff"
Use it as a meeting reminder Seduce your secretary
Train to respond to chemical/safety hazards
Presentation tool in dry meetings
Entertain children, if appropriate
EVIL
Seduce the boss
Use it to strangle co-worker who is competing with you for promotion
Force underlings to be accountable to the nipple rather than you
Seduce attractive clients
Distract co-workers to grab the last donut in a meeting
The chart does a good job of showing ways that you can use your Triple-Nipple to boost your standing on the job. Sometimes it is possible to use it physically as a type of tool, while other times it is useful for personal inspiration or motivation. If you can find ways to do both, you will be assured a satisfying career. Do your best to keep you and your Triple-Nipple in the spotlight of success!
If you have not yet secured a permanent job, but are instead preparing for a career or still deciding your future, it is helpful to know that there are a number of careers which require a Triple-Nipple. If you are so gifted, give strong consideration to pursuing one (or more) of them.
Triple-Nipple topless dancer
Circus freak
Third grade substitute teacher
Special Olympic triathlete
Triple-Nipple pornographic movie star
Lifeguard in Chernobyl
Triple-Nipple Awareness community leader
Professional Three-legged Race referee
Tricycle Engineer
All of these careers are growing rapidly and offer excellent pay, benefits and high personal satisfcation. As people become more deformed from television, drug abuse during pregnancy, and increasingly frequent nuclear meltdowns, the rewards for being a part of these fields will continue to grow.
Social
There are a variety of situations in day-to-day life where you can use your Triple-Nipple for small-time social gain. Here are some examples to get you started, but remember to be creative and explore new ideas.
Whenever competing for something among friends, quickly yell, "Give it to the guy with the most nipples!"
Charge friends a quarter to see it.
Use it as an excuse to back out of social engagements or dates: "I'd love to go out with you, but my Triple-Nipple already made plans."
Use it as a way to leave work early or skip out entirely: "Boss, I'm going to miss that meeting this afternoon. I've got a distrubing growth that I need checked out." If you wish to use it as an excuse repeatedly, devise a story about a recurring wart or other such condition.
Threaten your children with the "Triple-Nipple treatment" as punishment for misbehaving.
Blatently put people down with hip phrases like, "Talk to the nipple 'cause the hand ain't listening!" and, "Me and what army? Me and my nipple army!!"
Radio stations cater to weird people. You can score lots of great prizes, including backstage passes to concerts, if you show the Triple-Nipple.
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If these underdeveloped people can do this with their puny third nipples just think of the possibillities that lies in front of me. MUAHAHAHAHAHaaaaa
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Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones. - Psalms 137:9
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