darkmagnus

Hope this isn't offensive to anybody...I thought it was pretty funny myself:


1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach,
you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the
boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups,
aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.


2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like
a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches
itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And
just think about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said
get your ass over here!" Now think about how you call a
cat..."Bun-bun,come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so
gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any
such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man
only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, craw fish guts,
pickled pigs feet, or breasts. Anything else and you are in training to
suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss
in a parking lot, you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A
man's world is his bathroom, he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high
hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black, and full aroma.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte
with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener
tasteslike. If you've had NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a
man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different
types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your
ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember
all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major
league, NFL, NBA, college ball, PGA, and NASCAR. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can
name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget
it......you're hungry for a meat popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the
wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of
the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
hamburger, hold his beer, or play with the bitch in the passenger seat.

8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere,
vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of
those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame
out too quickly.


9. Sandals! Any man wearing sandals obviously has an urge to
gargle a nut.
Wearing sandals with socks is asking for Double penetration. The
real purpose of sandals is to help accentuate the limp wristed, loose
ass gait hat fags like you have.