rogue49

This is the first time I've said my two cents over this time-period.

DD, your job as a mother right now is to "mother" the boy you have at home right now.
Not to "mother" a young man, who obviously needs to learn how to be a "man", an adult.
To take responsibility for his actions.

This is his job, not yours
No matter how much you love him.
And if you did love him, you would allow him the freedom to make his mistakes
AND take the consequences for them.

See, this is the final gift that a parent does for a child.
Letting them go.

That freedom, to make the difficult transition, to an adult.
That freedom, to determine their own fate.

You've done all you can, now it's time to give him that freedom, let go.
Focus your attention now on the one who needs it, your younger son.
He needs your energy & guidance.
And since he's under your care, he has to listen.

Your older son, is an adult, he doesn't have to listen.
Thus, he is free to make his own decisions AND mistakes.
You are not responsible for this, let go.
Let him be free.

My mother had to do the same for me, and now I respect what she did
despite the difficulties I went through.
I am proud to be my own man now.
And the gift she gave me, was pushing me to be free.
Pushing me to fly.

Give him the last gift of a parent. Freedom
Flying or falling will be on his wings alone.
Otherwise you are doing him a disservice.

This is the PURPOSE of a parent.
This is the TRUE love of a parent,
the last & true gift.