Double D

The reasons Jim does what he does, usually boil down to manipulation to get what he wants.

I'm hoping that things will be calmer here as I found him in the house again today--remember he still had the condo building key--and he somehow got in thru the basement.

He was in a fetal postion, totally swaddled in his bedspread, sleeping, it seemed. I told him he had to leave now-- to give me the keys and a cordless phone that he swiped. He refused, because we would *throw all (his) stuff out.* He then demanded that I give him his marijuana pipe back before he would give me the building keys! Imagine, his whole life is hanging by a thread and his main priority is getting high! Argh!

I told him to get up and get out and he started in with his sad song about nothing mattering anymore and why should he try and blah, blah, blah. I've heard this so many times over the years. Oh, and he lost his brand-new job.

Yes, he's clinically depressed and he knows exactly the choices he has to get help.
He explained to me how unfair I was being, after all, he brought back our (stolen) car, right?

At that point, I realized he was sucking me into his crazy-ass way of thinking. I muttered something about not ever imagining that someone like him would spring from my womb, and I left the room, came upstairs & called my spouse at work, as we'd agreed if this scenario transpired. Husband works only about 5 minutes away, so he was here quickly.

Younger son and I waited outside (we had been on our way to go swimming, when this whole little soap opera scene started to play out). Moments later, Jim came storming out the front door, saying he *couldn't believe* how he was being treated.

Younger son & I left for the pool and husband inspected the locks on the house, as well as the windows to determine where the breach was. While doing this, Jim returned--he'd left his car & house keys here. He insisted that we must have taken his keys, but within a minute or two my spouse located them on the floor, amidst the vast pile of crap in the bedroom Jim used. Spouse removed the building keys, which is big relief, as it would have been sticky as well as expensive, to bring the condo association into this.

So, right now I feel a mixture of relief, weariness & sadness.
I told him I wished him well-- my husband told him of an area homeless shelter, but there's nothing more we can or should do right now.

Someone mentioned that Jim has his side to this and of course, that's true. When he was a child, I overcompensated for his lack of a father by spoiling him-- that did him no favors at all. After I got involved with my current spouse, I interfered with my spouse's attempts to parent Jim-- that was a huge disservice to them both.

Yeah, I've made some decent-sized mistakes in my life, both as a parent and as a person. But Jim went to good schools, got all the basics -- there was never a lack of love or support or encouragement. Kids with much less don't always turn out like he did.