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Honey, I feel for you. I have been in your shoes and I know it's not a fun place to be.
I had the same kind of panic-stricken feelings when I first went to school, too. I was living in the dorms, but I was paying for college on my own and I remember this feeling of absolute dread, trying to keep track of money, taping quarters into the washers in the dorms trying to save a few bucks, wondering what emergency was going to happen that would break me, make me unable to pay for tuition, get me kicked out of school. Ugh.
Same thing when we bought our first house. I was sure that this was the thing that would ruin us. Now we had a house to worry about, and a car, and blah blah blah.
My poor husband.
What I found out is that what you fear rarely comes to pass, and if it does, you just find a way to deal with it and move on. None of it will kill you. Seriously. So your car breaks down. Get a bus pass and a bicycle till you can afford to fix it. Tuition is more than you thought? Get a part time job at a coffee shop till you're on your feet again. When you're young and on your own for the first time, it's hard to believe that you can manage all of these scary possibilities, but really most people are very resourceful and I think you'll find that you can take care of yourself much better than you might believe at first. Things might be difficult, but lighten up on yourself a little bit and try to put things in perspective. You have a supportive partner you can lean on, you're going to be starting school soon, you live in a beautiful part of the country (my husband's family is from SLC - my brother-in-law and his wife and a few of our good friends live up by the U), you have a house and food, you don't live in any of the many countries that are torn by famine and civil war and poverty. If you happen to encounter a few challenges, you might be a little stressed but each road bump gives you an experience to draw on in the future, and proves that you really can manage.
Aside from changing how you think about the situation, here are some practical things you can do:
Don't forget to breathe. Seriously. Chances are you're so caught up in worry that you're ignoring your body completely. When you feel anxious, just take a few deep, calming breaths and that will help center you, bring you back to physical reality and out of the nightmare scenarios in your head so you can think clearly.
If you can't sleep at night on your own, take something for just a little while (preferably start with something herbal, but something stronger if that doesn't work) to get your sleep cycle regulated again. Meditating and some progressive relaxation exercises before bed also helped me. So did reading "Worry" by Edward Hallowell - has a really good chapter on ways to manage anxiety without drugs.
One of the big ones is exercise - find yourself a walking partner and get out of the house at least a few times a week. Exercise helps regulate your brain chemistry, which should help with both the anxiety and the sleep issues.
Remember that few things are as dire as you think they are. And you're taking a good first step by reaching out for help. You can PM me if you want to talk, anytime.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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